


Have Your Cake (And Eat It Too)

by Setari



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, M/M, Multi, Nick Fury Feels, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3462881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setari/pseuds/Setari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy was aware that she had a type; dangerous and hurting. Which would be all well and good if her crushes weren't fully aware that they were dangerous, and self-sacrificing enough that they didn't want to drag her into their dangerous lives. But maybe, just maybe, knowing that they're not the only one looking out for her will be enough to get them to give being happy a try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Problem

“Ugh, _men_!” was what Darcy chose to open with as she stormed into the lab Jane had appropriated. Said woman was hunched over a desk, looking at something under a microscope and making notes messily on a scrap of paper.

From over the astrophysicists shoulder, Tony Stark looked up, his expression playfully insulted and indignant. “Hey!”

“I’m not taking it back.” Darcy warned him. “I am _done_. I am _so done_ with the _whole lot of you_.” She exclaimed, and at that, Jane finally managed to drag herself out of her scientific fugue state and blink at her best friend in concern.

“What happened?” She asked.

“They _both_ turned me down!” Darcy cried dramatically, flinging herself into a chair that promptly rolled halfway across the lab, and she had to scoot it back half a foot at a time, since she refused to stand up again.

“Wait, both?” Tony echoed.

“Yes! _Both of them_!” Darcy confirmed, mistaking confusion for incredulity. “And that’s not even the worst part. I know, that sounds ridiculous. I can already hear you asking ‘but Darcy, what on earth is worse than being dateless?’” Darcy rambled.

“Being in a long-distance relationship?” Jane suggested.

“Which both are we talking about again?” Tony asked.

Darcy ignored them. “Well, I’ll tell you what’s worse than being dateless. Being dateless because the two _really sexy_ guys I like are _both_ self-flagellating, happiness-sacrificing do-gooders with massive hero-complexes who _actually do like me_ but are treating me like a _damsel in distress_ who can’t handle their oh-so-dangerous lives!” She bemoaned, finally returning to the desk just in time to flop dramatically across the top of it, face-down and arms akimbo.

Jane’s face flitted through a myriad of conflicted expression, clearly searching for something inspiring or sympathetic to say, but Tony spoke before she could. “Well that won’t do.” He decided indignantly.

Darcy peeked up at him through lopsided glasses. “You think?” She asked shrewdly.

“You _don’t_?” Tony shot back.

“ _I know_ I’m not a damsel in distress. I _tasered Thor_ , ok? I’m a badass motherfucking bitch. I just didn’t expect _Iron Man_ to think that the dorky side-kick of the fragile-and-breakable girlfriend of the Norse God of Thunder _wasn’t_ a damsel in distress.” Darcy pointed out, lifting her head up, but leaving her arms and shoulders exactly where they were.

Tony looked very conflicted for a moment, then he sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk, head tilted up and eyes focused on the ceiling in a mockery of thought. “Well, if you _were_ just the dorky side-kick of the fragile-and-breakable girlfriend of the Norse God of Thunder, then I might, but you also have Stark genes, so that cancels that right out.”

It took Darcy a moment to register that, because she was gearing herself up to be indignant that Tony even _might_ think she was a damsel in distress. Then the second half of the sentence filtered through, and she froze with her mouth gaping open. She considered the possibility of it being joke, since someone with their own JARVIS could easily find out that there was no father recorded on her birth certificate, but then she dismissed it. Tony’s face was not the face of a man pulling a pretty unkind joke. Not to mention, the timing worked out, she knew her mother had gone to the same university as Tony Stark, and at the same time, if memory served her right. And there was the fact that whenever she’d asked about her father, her mother responded with a flat look and a dry ‘ _that_ asshole?’.

“ _You’re_ my _dad_?!” Darcy yelped, breaking the stunned silence.

“Um. Yes.” Tony answered, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“ _You_ are _my dad_?” Darcy asked again.

Tony pulled an impatient face at her. “Yes.” He repeated. “So it’s obviously genetically impossible for you to be a damsel in distress. And also, now that we’ve got that cleared up, _which_ ‘both’ are we talking about here?”

“Oh _no_.” Darcy snapped at once, pointing a finger accusingly at Tony. “ _No_ , you are _not_ pulling the ‘I get to vet your boyfriends’ card. Nu-uh. No way, mister. That is _not_ going to fly. I am twenty-one now, and I can date _whoever I like_ , thank you very much.”

Tony scowled at her. “Well, yes, but you should at least let me run a background check. If it gets out that you’re my kid, you don’t wanna be dating someone who doesn’t check out.”

“They check out.” Darcy assured him.

“You can’t know that.” Tony retorted.

“I can, actually.” Darcy replied smugly.

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “…They work for SHIELD, don’t they?” He asked in resignation. Darcy shrugged, expression pointedly noncommittal, and Tony let out a huff of frustration. “At least tell me so I know who to have JARVIS filming for when you kick their asses with your very own Iron Man- or Iron Woman armour, rather.” He tried.

Darcy blinked, thrown for a loop. However, after a moment a smile began to tug at the corners of her lips, and within seconds it had bloomed into a full on grin. “I get my own armour?!” She asked, a little incredulous but mostly just ecstatic. Tony nodded, smiling, and Darcy let out a triumphant whoop, punching the air. “I get my own armour!” She crowed. “ _Oh_! Oh! _Please_ tell me we can call it the Iron Maiden armour!”

Tony grinned. “Consider it done, right J?” He checked.

“Yes, sir.” JARVIS replied, in a deeply long-suffering tone of voice.

“Thanks, buddy. Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” Tony mused, then shook his head, dismissing the thought. “So, _again_ ; who exactly are we talking about?” He asked, for the fourth time.

“I still don’t think I want to tell you.” Darcy informed him warily.

Tony threw his hands in the air. “I give you armour, and you give me _nada_. How is that fair?” He complained.

“I’m your daughter. It’s my job to take stuff and give nothing back.” Darcy replied bluntly.

Tony looked surprised for all of a nanosecond, before he grinned at her. Darcy was a little surprised to have that particular smile directed at her. It was the one Tony usually reserved for when JARVIS showed just how _human_ he could be, or when Pepper verbally destroyed people with a polite smile on her face. It was fiercely proud and edged with a vicious spark of protection; a glint of ‘ _you mess with her, and if she leaves anything of you behind after she’s done wrecking you, I’m going to grind you into dust_ ’.

Darcy couldn’t help but get up, walk around the desk, and hug him. It surprised him. He stood stiff in her hold for a moment, clearly processing. Then he relaxed and hugged her back, just as tight as she was hugging him. When she drew back, he cleared his throat. “So, who’s ass are you going to be kicking with your shiny new Iron Maiden armour?” He asked, for the _fifth_ time.

Darcy sighed, caving, and heard Jane mutter “Oh crap.”

Tony glanced over at her, eyebrows rising and eyes narrowing. “What?”

Jane went a little pink. “Nothing. I just- don’t think you’re going to like the answer very much.” She confessed, then added in a barely audible mutter “God knows I didn’t.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know that they are both _fine_ upstanding gentlemen, who any father would be _pleased_ to see dating their daughter!” Darcy retorted, chin kicking up a notch in defiance and pride.

“Then why are you so hesitant about telling him?” Jane shot back.

Now it was Darcy’s turn to flush, but she set her jaw. “Well, because then it’s just going to get _awkward_.” She announced, which was obviously only half truthful, and Jane gave her a deeply sceptical look.

Tony looked between them, half worried, half amused. “Ok, I’m _really_ curious now. You _have_ to tell me.” He announced, which was about as close to begging as Tony ever got.

Darcy pulled a face and wouldn’t quite meet his eyes as she stepped back and took a deep breath in preparation of answering his question. “Well, one of them is Bruce. Banner.” She clarified, as if she needed to.

Tony’s first reaction was shock, his brain stalling a little over the idea of his daughter crushing on one of his best friends. Then he actually took a moment to consider the potential it held, and finally managed to understand a little better what Darcy was complaining about. Of course Bruce was going to turn her down. The man barely thought he was allowed _friends_ because of the Hulk. A girlfriend was out of the question. Tony’s opinion, on the other hand, differed. “I approve.” He concluded solemnly.

“You what?” Jane demanded, mostly out of surprise.

Darcy looked equally surprised, but she was beaming with it. “Yes!” She cheered.

“But you might want to use the Hulk-buster armour for kicking _his_ butt.” Tony added to Darcy, who could only laugh, before he turned to Jane. “Of course I approve. Why wouldn’t I approve?” He asked.

“Well, there’s the age difference, for one.” Jane pointed out, as if she thought Tony was dumb for not thinking about that. Which, if he actually _hadn’t_ thought of that, he would have accepted from her – as a fellow scientist and all – but since he _had_ , he was actually rather offended.

“Says the woman dating a man nearly two-thousand years older than her.” He pointed out.

“Ha! That’s what I said!” Darcy announced.

Jane was blushing. “That’s different. Developmentally, Asgardians age much slower than humans do, especially during their adolescence.” She defended uncomfortably. “And, given the rate of decline, I’m going to die long before he does, which is where the problems can really start to manifest.” She added in a slightly distracted ramble.

“I admit I’d be a little worried if Darcy had suggested this five years ago or whatever, but she’s a grown-up now, and she’s fully capable of assessing the long-term consequences of her decisions.” Tony interrupted, shooting Darcy a slightly prompting, teasing look.

“ _Yes_. I _am_.” Darcy confirmed, hands on her hips. “And I feel I should point out, that since Bruce has a bastardised version of the _super-soldier serum_ in him, it’s entirely possible that he’s not going to age as fast as usual.”

“Excellent point.” Tony acknowledged.

Jane sighed. “Ok, but even putting that aside, what- Well, what about the Hulk?” She asked, a little apologetic, but entirely serious.

Darcy glared at her, and Tony’s face had gone suspiciously neutral. When he spoke, his voice matched, and even Darcy looked a little wary. “Personally,” he began, perfectly mild, “I feel that being an invulnerable giant half the time is a point in his favour. It would be very reassuring, knowing that there’s an enormous green rage monster between my little girl and the rest of the world.”

Darcy looked as though she wanted to be a little offended by that rather damsel-in-distress depiction of her, but was too pleased by that assessment of Bruce to hold onto it. “Can I tell him you said that?” She asked, utterly serious behind the grin she couldn’t quite hold back.

“Sure.” Tony agreed.

“And what if he hurts her?” Jane asked, quiet and gentle.

Tony shrugged, still with that air of faux-casualness that rang of danger. “That’s a risk we all have to take when we play the dating game.” He pointed out, and Jane opened her mouth to point out that having your heart broken was a little different from having your _spine_ broken, but Tony forestalled her. “And besides, if I was going to use that as a reason for Darcy not to date Bruce, it’d make me a giant hypocrite, since I am still dating Pepper.”

“That’s not the same.” Jane said at once. “It’s not as if your suits are going to- to have a nightmare and attack her in the middle of the night!”

When Tony only looked at her, very solemnly, she faltered. “Aren’t they?” He asked coolly. “And how would you know?”

“Well- because they don’t dream, for one.” Jane replied, baffled.

“They’re hooked up to someone who does.” Tony replied, and something bitter and ugly twisted his features for a moment. “And believe me, Padmé, I’ve seen enough to fuel a lifetime’s worth of nightmares.” When Jane had nothing to say to that, Tony visibly packed it away and showed her a smile that was only slightly strained. “Besides, the important thing is that, whether or not I think it’s a good idea, _Pepper_ thinks it’s worth it. She thinks _I’m_ worth it. If Bruce has that in Darcy, I am _not_ going to stand in the way of that.”

Darcy beamed, inordinately pleased. Jane conceded the point with a reluctant nod. “Ok, now tell him about the other one.” She said to Darcy, who faltered.

“Uh…”

“Ok, I’m just going to guess. Is it Justin Hammer? It’s got to be Justin Hammer. I don’t know _how_ you could have met him, but he’s the only nemesis of mine that’s actually still _alive_ , so it’s got to be him if you’re _still_ this hesitant to tell me.” Tony ranted.

“Ew, no!” Darcy cried.

Tony heaved a great sigh of relief. “Good. In that case, know that whoever it is can only go up in my estimation.” He pointed out.

Darcy snorted. “Nick Fury.” She blurted out, with the air of someone ripping off a band-aid because they feared that if they didn’t do it _right now_ , they’d never do it at all.

“Nick Fury?” Tony echoed.

“Yeah.” Darcy confirmed.

“Director of SHIELD; Nick Fury?” Tony asked again.

“Yup.” Darcy nodded.

“Best friends with _your grandfather_ ; Nick Fury?” Tony stressed incredulously.

Darcy was a little taken aback. “Uh, yes?” She asked more than stated.

“The lying liar who told us all Coulson was dead? _That_ Nick Fury?” Tony demanded.

Darcy winced. “In his defence, it was Coulson’s idea?” She offered. “But yes.”

Tony paused for a beat, thinking. All in all, he definitely thought Fury was a step down from Bruce, but when he considered all of the myriad other people Darcy could have been crushing on, Fury ranked pretty highly just on the fact Tony knew he could trust him with something as important as the fate of the world. There were so very, very few people on that list, after all. And the knowledge that apparently, Fury was a good enough man to pull a Bruce and refuse Darcy because of the dangers dating him posed to her? Well, that was definitely a point in his favour. “Yeah, ok. On a scale of all the men in the world, you could do so much worse.” He acknowledged. “Approval granted. Reluctantly.”

Darcy laughed in surprised delight and hugged him again. Tony hugged her back, feeling ridiculously warm and fuzzy about the whole thing. Really, it just wasn’t on. Except, it kind of was, since she was _his_ , just like Pepper and JARVIS and Rhodey and Bruce. She was one of _his people_ , so she was allowed to have that kind of power over him. The power to melt him with nothing more than a smile and a hug.

“But yeah, I definitely recommend Bruce out of those two options.” Tony concluded, disentangling himself when the warm fuzzies were getting insufferable.

“I suppose Nick would be easier to get over.” Darcy agreed, a little wistfully. “It feels a little more like crushing on a celebrity than it does with Bruce. He puts so much effort into appearing utterly untouchable, and it kind of works. A little.”

“If he lets you call him ‘Nick’, I definitely think he’s not saying no because he’s not interested.” Tony informed her, his brain breaking a little at the idea of _anyone_ being close enough to Director Fury to call him _Nick_ so casually like that.

Darcy huffed. “I tried to come up with a nickname for him. I was being _really_ creative, too, I had so many cool options, cause he shot down NJ and Nicky, so I had to come up with something else. I liked Blackbeard, cause that’s like, two-for-the-price-of-one. And Herr Baron. I think he was amused by that, but I also don’t know if he got the joke.”

“Girl Genius. _Nice_.” Tony complimented, then he actually stopped to think about it. “Oh wow, that’s _creepy_.”

“Uncanny-valley, much, huh?” Darcy agreed. “Floating fortress, built an empire basically from scratch, abandoned his personal life for his job, does his job to keep people safe, really hates politics but is pretty damn good at it, kind of high-handed, really does try to be reasonable until other people prove they won’t be, takes in misfits and treats them with respect… And you know, he actually _does_ really like waffles.” She rattled off, ticking each point off on her fingers.

Tony stared at her. “I don’t want to know how you know about the waffles.” He announced.

Darcy shrugged. “I filled in for his PA when she was on maternity leave. He eats breakfast at work.” She explained.

“I said I didn’t want to know.” Tony informed her distractedly. “Mind if I use that one?” He asked her.

“Sure, go ahead.” Darcy replied magnanimously.

“Putting aside the issue of Baron Fury for the moment,” Tony began, eliciting a snicker from Darcy, “we need to come up with a plan to knock some sense into Bruce. Maybe I can try to talk him around. I talked him into staying here, and that hasn’t blown up spectacularly in his face, so that’s gotta be worth something.”

Darcy frowned. “But if you tell him you’re my dad, he’s going to get all squirmy about the age difference. More than he is already, I mean.”

Tony nodded thoughtfully. “I’m sure I can manage ‘interfering friend’ instead of ‘interfering parent’.” He decided. “I’ll just tell him I overheard you telling Jane all sorts of nice things about him. It’s not technically a lie.” He mused.

“Don’t forget to mention how much I like his hair.” Darcy informed him solemnly. “He threatened to cut it the other day, so make sure you tell him that you heard me telling Jane _all about_ how it’s my favourite feature of his.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask what you like best about Fury, then.” Tony interjected humorously.

“His voice.” Darcy answered immediately, tone edging towards dreamy.

Tony gave her a deeply sceptical look, but decided he didn’t actually want to know any more than that. “Ok. JARVIS, where’s Bruce?” He asked.

“He’s currently in the conference room three floors down, sir.” JARVIS replied promptly.

“What’s he doing down there?” Tony wondered.

“He appears to be waiting to speak with Director Fury, sir.”

“Wait, Fury’s here?” Tony asked, surprised.

“Mm, yeah, he has a meeting with Clint and Natasha.” Darcy informed him. “Apparently he wants them to do some undercover non-Avengers type work, but Clint’s not really keen to go back to the Helicarrier any time soon, so he came here to brief them.”

Tony blinked at her. “How do you know that?”

“I _asked_.” Darcy informed him smugly.

“Right, well, I’m going to go snoop, and then talk to Bruce. Enjoy your science, Jane. Don’t pester her too much, Darce.” Tony waved over his shoulder as he strolled out of the lab, turning his feet towards an elevator. Mere minutes later, he was stepping out into a hallway that had Bruce – and to his slight annoyance – Fury at the other end. He strolled down to meet them, hoping he wasn’t too late to overhear _something_ interesting.

What he didn’t bargain for was to see Fury smirk in amusement and reach out to put a hand on Bruce’s arm, just above his elbow. It was a familiar, comforting gesture, and Bruce relaxed a fraction at the touch. “-worry, I’ll have someone retrieve it for you.”

Bruce smiled, distinctly relieved. “Thank you, Nick.”

Tony’s steps faltered, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. Well, _that_ was interesting. Fury spotted him and cast him an amused glance. “It’s no trouble.” Fury assured Bruce, while Bruce looked sceptical. “Stark.” He then greeted dryly.

It took every ounce of Tony’s self-restraint not to use Darcy’s nickname. He was pretty sure Fury would recognise it, and then Bruce would know he’d been talking _to_ Darcy, instead of just overhearing. “It’s so nice to know when I get visitors in my tower.” He remarked instead.

“I like to keep you on your toes, Stark.” Fury replied mildly, then turned back to Bruce. “I’ll see you later, Bruce.” Bruce nodded to him, and Fury gripped his arm a little tighter for a fraction of a second before letting go. Then he turned on his heel and strode off, coat flapping majestically behind him.

“So, is _Nick_ the real reason you turned Lewis down?” Tony asked innocently.

Bruce went pink, and wordlessly mouthed at Tony for a moment before closing his eyes as if pained and visibly fighting for calm. “What, exactly, are you trying to imply? And _how_ did you know about that?”

“I’m implying that I may or may not have overheard a little birdie bemoaning the fact that you rejected her. And it was the elbow-touching that gave it away, really, but then you called him _Nick_ , and that was just _indecent_ out in public like this. Bruce, I’m _scandalised_.” Tony replied, deliberately misinterpreting his question.

“That is not-!” Bruce began, then cut himself off. “That’s his _name_ , you know, Tony. And if you weren’t so deliberately antagonistic, he might have mentioned that to you.”

“I do know his name, you know. He was a good friend of my dad’s, back in the day.” Tony reminded him. “But even my old man never called him ‘Nick’. At least, not to me, anyway. With his reputation, I wouldn’t have been surprised if-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Bruce warned.

“Jealous?” Tony teased.

“For god’s sake, Tony!” Bruce huffed.

Tony stopped pushing for the moment, not particularly wanting to interrupt this conversation with Mean-N-Green just yet. He let Bruce get his equilibrium back, before speaking again, a little more seriously. “I find it very interesting that that was what you chose to focus on, by the way, and not the pretty little Miss Lewis, who happens to be _very_ interested in you, from what I heard.” He pointed out.

“Because I don’t actually want to talk about that, Tony.” Bruce informed him wearily.

“So you’d rather talk about _Nick_?” Tony asked.

Bruce closed his eyes as though praying for patience. “What would you like me to say, Tony?” He asked, a touch of impatience colouring his voice. “Yes, I like him. I’d like to consider him a friend. Is that such a surprise to you?”

“Only because he generally seems extremely unapproachable.” Tony explained, sensing a hint of accusation in Bruce’s last question.

“He was the first person with that sort of power to treat me like a human being, and not a commodity. He _also_ respects just how much damage the Hulk can do.” The look he cast Tony, pointed and fond all at once, spoke volumes. “I figured out of everyone in the world I could try and make friends with first, he would be a pretty safe bet. If- it goes wrong, at least I know he’ll be ready for it.”

“What about me? I thought I was your first friend?” Tony pouted.

Bruce smiled wearily. “Yes, but that was all your doing, I just had to go along for the ride. Isn’t that what you said?” He asked, almost teasing.

Tony nodded. “Accepted. But anyway, back to the point.” He announced, hoping to keep Bruce a little off kilter. Unfortunately, he looked more resigned than surprised. “Lewis.”

“I’m not- interested, Tony.” Bruce sighed.

“Ok, now that is a blatant lie.” Tony retorted, crossing his arms across his chest and frowning at Bruce. “You are _so_ interested, or you wouldn’t be so averse to talking about it. So seriously, what’s the problem? She likes you. She _really_ likes you. And you like her, at least a little. Seems like simple chemistry to me.”

“That was an awful joke.” Bruce informed him. Tony shrugged and raised his eyebrows pointedly, and Bruce relented. “You know what the problem is, you just won’t admit that it’s a problem.” He said, snapping a little.

“I know what you _think_ is the problem, but I really think you ought to give Lewis more credit than that.” Tony replied. “She knows who you are, she knows who you hang out with, she knows what you’re capable of, and she’s _still interested_.” Tony paused, reaching out to grab Bruce by the shoulders to _make sure_ he was listening. “Trust me, Bruce, that doesn’t happen very often. You should treasure it.”

Bruce blinked in surprise, but then the resolve hardened behind his eyes, and Tony almost cursed. “Knowing and _seeing_ are two very different things. I _do_ treasure it, you know. I-” He cut himself off, and for a moment, Tony saw genuine _hurt_ on his face. “It means a lot to me, Tony, when people can look at _me_ , and not see just a flimsy human shell for the Other Guy.” He paused and smiled sadly down at his hands. “Especially when she can look at me and see something…” He trailed off, apparently not having the right word, but Tony understood anyway.

“And you’re just going to give up?” Tony asked sadly.

“It’s not giving up, it’s just… I’d rather someone that kind be alive in this world and making it better. That’s all.” Bruce explained.

“That’s bullshit.” Tony replied quietly. Bruce frowned, mostly in concern, because that tone coming from Tony was never a good sign, but also in confusion. “It’s her life, Bruce. If she- if she wants to waste it on an idiot like you, then that’s her choice. And if you really think she’s that amazing, you should _let her_. Respect her choices, because since she’s not the one throwing herself between various megalomaniacs and whatever part of the world they’re trying to take over, she’s obviously the smart one out of the two of you.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” Bruce mused quietly.

Tony considered that deflection – it was a good one, very subtle – and decided to accept it, he’d already pushed enough for the moment. “Speaking from experience, I guess.” He replied with a shrug, letting go of Bruce.

“Pepper?” Bruce asked, smiling.

“Pepper.” Tony confirmed.

Bruce sighed softly and deeply, brow slightly furrowed in thought. Then he swallowed, and peeked up at Tony almost shyly. “You… said you heard her talking about me?” If Tony didn’t have some shred of dignity, he probably would have crowed. As it was, he settled for a wide grin that was an answer all on it’s own. “What did she say?”

“She called you a hero.” Tony offered, paraphrasing just a little. “And she very emphatically likes your hair. And she seems to have a bit of a thing for the self-sacrificing martyr type, because she sounded a bit grudgingly impressed when she was complaining about your reason for turning her down, so you haven’t completely blown your chances.”

Bruce was going pink again. Self-consciously, he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a bit. “My hair?” He echoed, confused. “Why- I was thinking of getting it cut. It gets in the way, like this.” He admitted ruefully.

Tony slung an arm over his shoulder. “You want my advice, Brucie?” He asked, but didn’t give Bruce a chance to respond in case he said no. Which he looked like he might, just to annoy Tony. “If you want her to _not_ be sulky and mad enough to get petty revenge, leave your hair alone. I don’t think I’d like to see the Hulk on laxatives.”

Bruce shuddered. “Thank you so much, Tony, for that mental image.” He murmured ironically.


	2. The Solution

For all that Bruce did actually appreciate Tony’s pep-talks, right now he really wished Tony had never said anything on the topic of Darcy Lewis. It was a few days after Tony had found him outside that conference room, and this was the first time Bruce had seen Darcy since then. She made a good lab assistant for Jane, but she wasn’t needed very often, so she made a habit of wandering the labs, helping out. Usually, they could work together easily, but right now, Bruce was far too tense to work comfortably.

Things would have been awkward enough around her after he’d had to let her down when she asked him on a date, but now, on top of that, he was half _regretting_ saying no. He was frustrated at himself for that, too, and that in turn left him tense and fighting for calm. Which was not a good state to be in around someone who seemed to share Tony’s attitude towards the Hulk.

Darcy brushed past him, walking just a little too close behind him, when he _knew_ there was more space than that. He shivered and closed his eyes, counting backwards from seven-hundred in multiples of seven. “So, you’re being awkward.” Darcy remarked a few minutes later from where she was stacking beakers.

Bruce started and looked up at her. She glanced over her shoulder at him, eyebrows raised and red-painted lips pursed. “Um, well…” He began, sounding just as accused: Awkward.

“Is this about the other day?” Darcy asked, which was a stupid question, because she had to know the answer to that was yes. Bruce decided that she was smart enough to work it out on her own, and ducked his head over his work. “Because, you know,” a jean-clad thigh slid into his line of vision as Darcy hopped up to sit on the workbench beside him, “I’m not going to give up, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“What?” Bruce asked, looking up at her in surprise.

Darcy smirked at him. “Takes more than a little rejection to get Darcy Lewis to quit on you, Mr Lion.” She teased, nudging gently at his shoulder with her fingertips.

“Mr Lion?” Bruce questioned, since that seemed the easiest route to take.

Darcy nodded. “Yeah, like the cowardly lion, from the Wizard of Oz.”

“Oh, thank you.” Bruce replied dryly.

“Wouldn’t sting if it weren’t true.” Darcy informed him pleasantly, patting him on the shoulder in false commiseration. There was a short pause while Bruce tried and failed to squash the fondness filling his chest. “So, just so you know, I may have told my dad about you.” Darcy announced suddenly, a touch of apology in her voice.

Bruce froze. “Oh?” He asked as casually as he could manage.

“Mmhm. I _may_ have neglected to mention that you rejected me.”

“Of course you did.” Bruce sighed, closing his eyes.

“Well, you don’t tell your parents about all the little hiccups in your love life.” Darcy agreed casually. “He told me that he finds it very reassuring that, and I quote, ‘there’s a giant, angry, and invulnerable monster between my little girl and the rest of the world’, and he considers you a definite step up from some of my other boyfriends.” She informed him smugly.

“I think you’re making this up just to convince me to date you.” Bruce announced. He didn’t really, but he wouldn’t entirely put it past her.

“No word of a lie.” Darcy swore, one hand over her heart and the other up in the air as though she was swearing to honesty in a court. “But true or not, is it working?” She asked quickly, with false intensity.

Bruce couldn’t quite stop the small huff of laughter. “Maybe a little.” He confessed, before he could remember all the reasons why this was a _monumentally_ bad idea. When he glanced up, he caught the tail end of a delighted, oddly bashful smile, and his breath caught just a little.

“Hmm, good.” Darcy murmured, nudging his side gently with her knee. Bruce wondered, for a moment, if she was going keep pushing – because right now he wasn’t sure he’d have the will-power to say no again – but she didn’t. She just watched him for a moment, smiling, then hopped off the workbench and sauntered away. And if Bruce watched her go, well, that was no one’s business but his.

Darcy, meanwhile, barely managed to keep herself from punching the air in front of Bruce, and walking away without skipping or bouncing or possibly squealing like a piglet was nigh on impossible. But she managed to keep her composure until she was out of the lab and out of his earshot – she hoped – and then she stopped trying. “Yes!” She hissed, fist-pumping.

“Went well?” Tony asked smugly.

“ _So well_.” Darcy confirmed, and then, because she could, she threw herself at him and hugged him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Best dad ever!”

Tony snorted in disbelief, even as he hugged her back. “That’s all it takes?” He asked in mock surprise. “Oh, well, I guess I don’t need to bother trying to impress you anymore then. I’ll just tell JARVIS to cancel your surprise present then.” He mused.

Darcy leaned back to narrow her eyes at him. “…What surprise present?” She asked.

“No, no, I’m obviously over doing it. I wouldn’t want to spoil you too much.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Tony I-Buy-All-My-Friends-Jet-Planes Stark?” Darcy asked. Tony laughed like it had been surprised out of him, which made Darcy feel pretty smug. “Come on, what’s my present?” She pressed.

“Oh, fine.” Tony caved. “It’s supposed to be a surprise, because I’m not _sure_ , yet. It’s just a hypothesis.” He warned. Darcy nodded, wide-eyed and attentive and so desperately curious. Tony grinned. “I _think_ , Princess, that you might just be able to have your cake and eat it, too.”

Darcy blinked, then frowned. “Which cake?” She asked.

“The – what was it? – self-flagellating, happiness-sacrificing do-gooder cake.” Tony informed her, looking far too smug.

Darcy stared at him, waiting for the punch line, or the qualifiers, or the unethical plan, but it didn’t come. Tony just continued to look smug, waiting for her to catch up. Darcy hadn’t even dared _think_ it before, but suddenly, her head was filled with what, exactly, it could mean, to _have_ her cake, and _eat it_ , too. “Explain.” She ordered, faux-threateningly. “And know that if you’re lying to me-…!”

“You’ll skin me?” Tony finished for her. “Please. Would I lie to you? Like I said, it’s just a hypothesis. I _could_ still be wrong.”

“But you don’t think you are.” Darcy stated.

“Nope. I’m pretty damn sure that our Baron has been flirting with Jolly Green in there.” Tony informed her, jerking his head towards the lab. “Not a lot, mind. The happiness-sacrificing obviously isn’t a you-specific thing, but Natasha did assure me that it is _not usual_ for Fury to be quite that friendly with anyone he’s known less than a year. And spending SHIELD resources on a personal favour is _not_ standard Fury behaviour _at all_. So I did a little digging through my dad’s old memorabilia, and there’s plenty of proof there that Fury is very definitely not straight, which means it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that he’s got a bit of a thing for Bruce.”

“And- and Bruce?” Darcy asked, because this felt like a house of cards. One piece positioned wrong and it could all come tumbling down.

Tony shrugged. “He’s hard to read, but he was definitely flustered when I teased him about it. Whether that was just ‘Tony’s being embarrassing’ or ‘oh, god, I can’t admit I’m crushing on Fury’, I’m not entirely sure. Still worth pursuing, don’t you think? Shoot for the stars, and all that.”

Darcy could only grin at him, the reality beginning to sink in that this might just be possible, she might get to have _everything_ she wanted, and it wouldn’t even have to be a compromise between the two of them. She suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed, and pressed a hand over her mouth, eyes going a bit damp. “Definitely better than a jet.” She informed him, only sounding a little bit choked up.

“Hey, looks like I’m getting the hang of this present thing.” Tony replied, in much the same tone as Darcy. Then he cleared his throat and when he spoke next he sounded robustly practical. “So, how do you want to play this?”

“I-” Darcy wasn’t entirely sure she could think beyond ‘I’m going to kiss them both stupid the next time I see them’, but she gave it her best shot. “I think I’ll probably need Nick’s help to convince Bruce it’s a good idea. And we should probably wait on that until he’s at least comfortable with the idea of going on a date.” She decided slowly. “…I’m not sure I’ve got the patience, though.”

“Hmm… Getting lured into situations under false pretences is kind of triggery for Bruce, so you should probably actually tell him the general idea before he actually agrees to a date.” Tony suggested.

“Oh. Good point.” Darcy acknowledged, frowning and thinking hard. “Lemme think it over for a few days.” She decided eventually. “Because right now, I keep getting very distracted by thoughts I probably shouldn’t tell my dad about.” She informed him.

Tony pulled a face. “Yeah.” He said emphatically. “JARVIS, where’s Jane?”

“In her lab, sir.” JARVIS replied.

“Awesome. Thanks, J.” Darcy said, smiling upwards at thin air in lieu of being able to smile directly at JARVIS. “You’re the best brother a girl could ask for.” She informed him, and grinned, when Tony started and stared at her in surprise. “Well he is, isn’t he?” She asked.

Tony’s shoulders relaxed and he caught her in a one-armed hug. “Yeah, but most people don’t think of him like that. Most people don’t _want_ to think of him like that.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen I-Robot.” Darcy agreed. “But that’s not the AI’s fault, that’s just bad programming and bad parenting. I don’t think JARVIS is going to have that problem.” She pointed out casually.

Tony scoffed, but before he could put his foot in his mouth to try and kill the warm-and-fuzzy moment, JARVIS spoke up. “Thank you, Miss Lewis.” He said, sounding completely sincere. “I do believe you’re right, but your faith is encouraging.”

“You’re welcome. And it’s Darcy, J.” Darcy replied.

There was a moment’s pause. “Very well, Darcy.” JARVIS finally replied.

Darcy beamed, gave Tony a quick hug, and bounced off down the hall towards Jane’s lab. When she got there, she found Jane elbow-deep in machinery, muttering to herself as a couple of Stark Industries interns dithered around her, handing her things as she asked for them. “Jane! You’ll _never guess_ what just happened!”

“You won the lottery?” Jane wondered absently.

“The genetic lottery, _yeah_. I have the best dad in the universe, and he’s going to let me have my cake and eat it, too.” Darcy announced brightly, enjoying speaking in code in front of the interns. Jane glanced up, but her eyes were still glazed in a way that told Darcy she was still thinking more about science than she was about what Darcy was saying. Sure enough, a moment later, her attention was back on whatever she was building. “So I have it on very high authority that the Baron has a little crush.”

“I thought you already knew he liked you.” Jane mumbled.

“Oh, not on me. Well, yes on me, but not _just_ on me. Hence the cake.” Darcy replied.

“Cake?” Jane wondered distractedly.

“Yes, Jane. Cake. Try to keep up.” Darcy informed her impatiently.

Jane finally looked up and focused on Darcy, looking just as impatient as Darcy had sounded. “Darcy, I’m trying to work here. Can’t you skip the cryptic dance-around and just tell me what’s going on?” She asked tiredly.

“You’re no fun.” Darcy complained. “Here I am, coming to my _best friend_ to have some good old _girl talk_ because I _have a plan_ , and that means I am going to get _laid, repeatedly and thoroughly_ , and I want to enjoy the anticipation by giggling over everything with you like a pair of lunatics. And all you can say is ‘I’m trying to work’?”

Jane sighed, and put down her screwdriver. “Ok, I’m sorry.” She apologised.

Darcy beamed. “Apology accepted. Ok, minions. Time to shoo.” She added to the interns, making chivvying gestures with her fingers. They all shared baffled, mildly indignant looks, but cleared out of the lab with minimal protests.

“So what’s happened?” Jane thought back over the conversation, and frowned in confusion.

“Nick’s been flirting with Bruce and Bruce has been flirting back and I’m going to keep them both.” Darcy said in a giddy rush.

Jane stared. “You… Come again?”

“They both like me, and I like them, obviously, and they like each other and this solves _everything_.” Darcy enthused, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Jane mulled this over for a long moment. “Except the part where they both turned you down.” She pointed out, almost apologetically, which was enough to sooth Darcy’s irritation at being reminded of that.

“Pssht.” Darcy flapped a dismissive hand in the air. “Minor details.”

Jane laughed. “Of course. So, how are you going to fix those _minor details_?” She asked.

“Well, Bruce has already admitted that I’m maybe convincing him that dating me wouldn’t be a completely terrible idea.” Darcy informed her smugly. “And I figure, with Nick in the picture, he won’t be quite so worried about hurting me. He trusts Nick more than he trusts himself, when it comes to the Other Guy. And Nick, well, having Bruce involved will certainly stop him worrying about anyone who might come after me because of him. They’re all going to think twice if they know they’ll have to get through the Hulk first.”

“That’s actually a pretty good point.” Jane mused, surprised.

“Of course it is. This is the best idea I’ve ever had.” Darcy announced happily.

“You said that about putting ketchup on ice-cream.” Jane reminded her.

“This idea is better than that.” Darcy retorted, not even having the decency to blush at her culinary failure. “This idea includes _sex_.” She pointed out, eyes going a bit glazed. Jane snorted and shook her head. “Oh, come off it. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t _jump_ at the chance to have Thor and, hmm… what was his name? Richard? In the same bed.”

Jane blushed a little. “I don’t think either of them would go for that.” She mumbled.

“Well, maybe not, but imagine for a second if they _would_.” Darcy pressed, sighing dreamily. “I am going to be the filling of the best sandwich in history, and it is going to be _glorious_. And then I’m going to watch them fuck each other. Mm…!” She drifted off into a highly pleasant daydream that she was unceremoniously dragged back from when Jane made a pained sound. “What?” Darcy asked quickly.

“Now I’m thinking about it.” Jane complained, pulling a face.

Darcy grinned widely. “It’s a _nice_ image, isn’t it?”

Jane was very pink in the cheeks. “I would actually like to be able to look my colleague in the face after today, Darcy.” She shot back.

“I think these things all the time and I don’t have a problem.” Darcy pointed out.

“Yes, but you actually want to _do_ them with him.” Jane retorted.

Darcy considered this, then nodded solemnly. “And I am very glad you don’t.” She decided.

“I thought you didn’t mind sharing him?” Jane asked sceptically.

“Well, I don’t mind sharing him with _Nick_ , because I know Nick likes _me_ too. And I like him. So it’s all perfectly mutual and equal and I won’t feel threatened or slighted if Bruce is paying attention to Nick – or vice versa – because _I’ll_ be paying him that attention, too.” Darcy rambled, gesturing in the air with her hands as she spoke. “It’s different.” She concluded.

“Ok.” Jane agreed, like she didn’t fully understand, but was willing to accept it. Darcy decided she would take it, and let herself drift back into her daydream. A few minutes later, Jane let out a heavy sigh. “Darcy, if you can’t stop fidgeting, will you _please_ go… do something somewhere else? You’re very distracting.”

Darcy pulled a face at her, but obligingly hopped off her seat and headed for the door. “Hey, J?” She asked as she left.

“Yes, Darcy?” JARVIS replied at once.

“What do you think would be the best way to ask them both about this?” She asked him, walking aimlessly down a corridor and into the first empty room she came across, which seemed to be a meeting room of some kind. She dropped into a chair and tipped it back, balancing on two legs as she spoke to the ceiling. “Cause, I mean, I don’t want to twist their arms, you know? But I don’t want them to say no just because it’s not, well, normal…”

JARVIS didn’t reply for a long moment. “From my observations of Mr Stark and Miss Potts, I would suggest that honesty is _always_ the best policy.” He mused with just a hint of dry humour.

Darcy grinned. “I’ll bet.” She agreed. “But it’s not like I was planning to _lie_ to them anyway-”

“I meant, Darcy, that you should not lie to them by omission, or present the truth in a misleading manner, either.” JARVIS interrupted gently. “Such as, to refer to your conversation with Mr Stark earlier, misleading Dr Banner by asking him on a date. It would not, technically, be a lie, but to have him go into it expecting one thing, and then to reveal it to be another would not be… conducive, I believe.”

“Point.” Darcy acknowledged. “So ‘tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth’ sort of thing. Gotcha.”

When he next spoke, JARVIS sounded gently amused. “And, based on my understanding of both parties involved, I would also suggest patience. They are both remarkably stubborn.”

Darcy snorted. “No kidding. Bruce seems to be coming around though, at least to the idea of a date. Which is nice.”

“Yes. Mr Stark can be very persuasive when it suits him.” JARVIS remarked.

Darcy grinned, but her brain was spinning off in a different direction. “Why do you call him that, J? I mean, surely you of all people would be allowed to call him Tony?” She wondered.

“Originally, before I began to… develop, it was all I was programmed with. As I grew, and learnt, it… It became something of a joke. Very few people have been made aware of my full capabilities, so calling him ‘sir’ is both a disguise, and more an endearment than a form of respect.”

“Because it’s a lie, it becomes an in-joke, which makes it _dis_ respectful, which only adds to the humour because irony?” Darcy paraphrased.

“Precisely.” JARVIS agreed, pleased.

Darcy grinned, then tipped her head in curiosity. “You never seemed to hide yourself much when I was around.”

“You are a Stark.” JARVIS reminded her.

“I don’t think ‘not freaking out because of a sentient AI’ could be in my genetic code.” Darcy pointed out wryly.

“No, but it _does_ seem to have been a pattern in the last several generations that Starks have an insatiable curiosity and a reckless disrespect for common sense.” JARVIS pointed out. “I doubted you would be the exception, and I was willing to take the risk.”

Darcy bit her lip on a smile, feeling inordinately flattered by that. “I’m glad you did, J.” She told him, voice full of warmth.

“As am I, Darcy.” JARVIS concurred.

Darcy grinned. “And if it makes you feel better, you can always call me ‘Miss Lewis’ or ‘ma’am’ in public.” She suggested with wicked mirth.

“I shall do that, ma’am.” JARVIS agreed, sounding just as entertained as she was.

Darcy opened her mouth, planning on bringing the subject back around to the original topic of conversation, when the door opened and Pepper Potts walked in, talking in rapid-fire French into her earpiece. Her eyes were on the stack of folders and papers in her arms, and one hand was raised to touch delicately at the earpiece, more a signal to anyone around her that of who she was speaking to than anything else. She was so focused on her phone call that she didn’t seem to notice Darcy sitting there until the door had swung shut behind her.

Pepper faltered a little in surprise, then immediately returned her attention to her earpiece with what sounded like an apology. A mere minute later, she was hanging up and looking back at Darcy in polite confusion. “Miss Lewis, wasn’t it?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Darcy confirmed, nodding.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but there’s going to be a meeting in here in about ten minutes, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave…?” Pepper prompted apologetically.

Darcy let her chair thump back onto all four legs and got to her feet. “Oh, right. Sure.” She agreed, nodding maybe a little too emphatically because, well, Darcy had written college papers on Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts and her career. And now she was looking at this incredible business woman with the new revelation that she was basically Darcy’s step-mom. _Eat your heart out, Cinderella_ , Darcy thought a little bit distractedly.

“What were you doing in here?” Pepper asked, before Darcy could actually leave the room.

“Oh, I was just chatting with JARVIS.” Darcy replied, gesturing vaguely in the air. Pepper blinked, a flash of surprise crossing her features, then a hint of concern, and then something a little cooler, shrewder.

“Anything interesting?” She asked mildly.

Darcy blinked, a little taken off guard by Pepper’s protectiveness. Of course, given what JARVIS had been saying, she had a right to be protective of him, but that would mean that she didn’t _know_. “Wait, wait.” She began, holding her hands up to stall the conversation. “J, does- is there actually something about Tony Stark that _the_ Pepper Potts _doesn’t know_?” She asked, not willing to believe it.

JARVIS didn’t answer for a long moment. “No-one except Mr Stark and myself knew, until he told you, Darcy.” He said, finally.

Darcy’s head was swimming with that revelation, and it looked as if Pepper was in a similar state of shock. “JARVIS, what exactly don’t I know?” Pepper asked in dangerously neutral tones. “Because the last time I didn’t know something, Tony was _dying_ , and if he’s dying again, JARVIS, and you didn’t _tell me_ -!”

“He’s my dad!” Darcy blurted out.

Pepper froze, still looking somewhere in the vicinity of the ceiling. Then, slowly, she lowered her head to stare at Darcy. At first, she looked wary, which Darcy didn’t really blame her for. She’d heard a few stories over the years of women claiming their child was an illegitimate Stark child, and they’d always been swiftly debunked and brushed aside. Usually by Pepper, as it happened. Then came the dawning realisation that this was for real. That JARVIS, in particular, would not go along with something like this without proof.

Finally, she settled on open-mouthed shock. Darcy was both a little proud, and a little frightened, that she’d managed to put that expression on Pepper’s face. “He’s- You’re-” She stammered.

“-his daughter. Yeah.” Darcy nodded, her tone bordering on apologetic. “He told me. And showed me the secret paternity test he’d had done when I was, like, three. And I confirmed with my mom afterwards.” She added, thinking back to how fun that phone call _hadn’t_ been with a grimace. There had been yelling, and various insults to each other’s lifestyle choices, and only a half-hearted attempt at a reconciliation before they hung up.

Pepper’s mouth snapped shut with a faint click of teeth, and she took a second to reorient herself. “How did I not know about this?” She asked, eyebrows drawing together in stunned confusion. “I’m supposed to handle Tony’s PR. If this got out at the wrong time- Oh my god, why didn’t he _tell me_?!”

“Mr Stark signed away all parental rights six months before Darcy was born.” JARVIS informed her.

There was a pause as Pepper digested this. Then she nodded in acceptance, and promptly glared up at the ceiling. “I’m his _girlfriend_ , why didn’t he _tell me_?!” She repeated the question, slightly less hysterically, but still with emotive emphasis.

“That, you would have to ask him, Miss Potts.” JARVIS replied gently.

Pepper nodded decisively. “I think I will.” She announced firmly. Then she glanced at her watch and sighed in aggravation. “After this meeting.” She corrected, closing her eyes and shaking her head. As if in an attempt to wipe away distracting thoughts, she rubbed her fingers across her forehead, then glanced up at Darcy again, who was hovering by the door. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll speak with you later, at some point, I hope?” She asked with a warm, hopeful smile.

“Yes, absolutely!” Darcy replied at once, then realised, when Pepper looked a little taken aback, that that had been maybe a little too enthusiastic. “I mean, yeah, that’d be nice.” She tried, and decided that sounded better. Pepper gave her a reassuring little smile, and Darcy grinned back before ducking out of the room.


	3. The Director

The Triskelion was already bustling by the time Darcy got there, which was remarkable, because the hour was ungodly. The sun was only just barely peeking above the horizon and Darcy had needed three cups of Tony’s favourite industrial-strength coffee to wake her up. Which it had, thankfully, so instead of looking like a zombie, she was bright and perky and there was a spring in her step that couldn’t entirely be attributed to the coffee.

She got a few curious looks and double-takes as she made her way up through the building. Her face was known well enough around here from her brief stint as Fury’s PA, as well as in conjunction with Thor and Jane’s epic love story, but she hadn’t been seen there for a while, so naturally an organisation full of spies and snoops was curious. It was probably also the reason why no one actually stopped her until she was already on the same floor as Fury’s office. That was when she found herself waylaid by Maria Hill.

“Miss Lewis?” Hill called, striding over to intercept Darcy.

“Hey, Agent Hill.” Darcy greeted cheerfully. “How’s things?”

Hill looked as though she didn’t know whether to be amused, exasperated, or just annoyed, which was a pretty standard expression on her whenever she was talking to Darcy. “Things are fine.” Hill replied absently, and moved right on without giving the question or it’s answer any serious degree of thoughts. “What are you doing up here?” She asked, with an air of vaguely stern bafflement.

“I’m bringing Nick breakfast.” Darcy informed her, holding up the box of take out she’d been carrying. “It’s supposed to be a surprise, though, so don’t tell him.” She added.

Hill gave her a dry look. “You know, Fury doesn’t generally appreciate people sneaking into his office when he’s not there. He’s lived through a few too many assassination attempts for that to be a pleasant surprise, whatever the circumstances.”

“I’m not going to hide behind the curtains and jump out and say boo.” Darcy retorted, rolling her eyes. “I’m not suicidal. I promise, I will be sitting out in the open with the alluring scent of still warm waffles to warn him I’m there.” She added soothingly, gesturing with the box again.

There was a moment in which it seemed like Hill wanted to ask about that, but then she shook her head and asked a different question. “ _How_ did you get up here? Only Agents with level four clearance and above are even allowed up here.”

Darcy shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out the SHIELD pass-card that designated her as ‘non-combatant, level six’ and let Hill look at it. “I still have my card from when I was Nick’s PA.” She explained, although it was probably unnecessary.

Hill frowned down at the card, then back up at Darcy. “This should have been deactivated when you left.” She stated.

Darcy couldn’t quite help the beaming grin that flooded across her face. “That sounds like tacit permission to drop by whenever I feel like it to me, waffles optional.” She announced brightly, bouncing up and down on the spot a little with glee.

Hill seemed genuinely taken aback by that. “You think Fury deliberately left your card active even though you’re not employed by SHIELD any longer because he _likes you_?” She asked sceptically, one eyebrow arching in disbelief.

“Well, yeah.” Darcy confirmed. “Oh, it’s probably more convoluted than that, but it basically comes down to the fact that if I had a problem I would go to the Director of SHIELD for, he wants me to have access because he wants to help. Ergo, he cares about my problems; he cares about _me_ enough _to_ care about my problems. He _cares about me_.” Darcy repeated joyfully.

And now Darcy was treated to a very rare sight indeed; one of SHIELD’s top Agents and one all round badass lady stunned utterly speechless. Several times, it looked as though she was going to say something, only to falter and remain silent. Finally she managed to pull her thoughts together, but when she spoke, it wasn’t what Darcy was expecting. “I thought your flirting was just playful banter.” She stated, though it was definitely a question.

“It was.” Darcy confirmed. “At least, it was when I thought he wasn’t interested back? But if he ever took me up on it I would have _totally_ been _all for it_. Still am, actually. Hence, waffles.” She gestured, again, with the box in her hand.

“You’re… going to ask Director Fury on a date?” Hill echoed, looking a little pained.

“Yup. Again.” Darcy confirmed.

Which, bizarrely, seemed to help everything make more sense to Hill. “You’ve already asked, and he said no.” She concluded, nodding.

“Yeah, but was a ‘you’re a damsel in distress and I’m the brooding anti-hero so it’s my job to be suitably stupid and deny us both what we want in the name of protecting you from the danger and darkness that is my life’ sort of rejection, and that’s just not going to fly with Darcy Lewis, no siree.” Darcy explained, which brought Hill’s expression back to her typical combination of amused exasperation and annoyance. “So I’m here to sweeten the deal.” She concluded.

“With waffles?” Hill asked, unimpressed.

“No, that’s just to soften him up a bit.” Darcy corrected, but pointedly didn’t elaborate.

Hill took the cue to drop it. “I think you’re insane.” She informed Darcy simply, but she was smiling a little as she said it, and her tone was sincere when she added “Good luck.”

Darcy blinked in surprise, then smiled warmly. “You know, you’re the second unexpected person to encourage me in this. I’m just going to take that as a sign that this is destined to be.” She decided.

“Who was the first?” Hill asked.

“My dad.”

Hill actually laughed incredulously at that, but she could tell from one look at Darcy’s expression that she wasn’t making it up. “Did you tell him who you were talking about?” She asked, voice a little unsteady with mirth.

“Mmhm.” Darcy hummed a confirmation, and Hill bit back more laughter. “I’d better get in there before Fury arrives. Oh, and if you see him, don’t ruin the surprise?” She pleaded hopefully, half turned away from Hill in the direction of Fury’s office.

Hill shook her head. “Fine, but if he shoots you, it’s your fault.”

Darcy waved a dismissive hand in the air, but shot Hill a grateful look all the same as the Agent turned away and went back to her own super secret spy work, whatever that was. In turn, Darcy headed down the corridor, through the secretarial antechamber that used to be Darcy’s, and into Fury’s office.

It was a large, spacious office, lined with several filing cabinets and one impressive window. The desk was large and covered in office supplies and paperwork, which Darcy idly straightened up and sorted like she used to so that there was space to put the waffles in the middle, in full view of the door. Then she dropped into Fury’s impressive high-backed leather office chair and kicked her feet up onto the desk. Once she was arranged to her satisfaction, she settled in to wait, entertaining herself by rifling through Fury’s desk drawers.

She got so immersed in a little book detailing all of Fury’s knowledge of the various betting pools among SHIELD Agents that she didn’t notice Fury’s arrival until someone cleared their throat from only a few feet in front of her. She jumped and looked up in surprise, only to see Fury looming over her with his arms crossed and a deeply unimpressed expression on his face.

Darcy beamed at him, flipping the book closed but not bothering to put it back where she found it. “I brought waffles.” She informed him, nudging the box with her foot so it slid an inch closer to Fury.

“What are you doing in my office?” Fury demanded in a perfectly level tone of voice.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Darcy replied sincerely.

“About something you felt the need to break into SHIELD headquarters to discuss?” Fury retorted, scowling deeper.

The smile that unfurled across Darcy’s face was two parts smug, one part bashful. “It’s not really breaking in if the Director himself leaves the door open for you, is it?” She pointed out, an edge of gentle teasing in her voice.

Fury closed his eyes and sighed. “That was for emergencies only, and you know it.” He informed her tiredly.

“Yeah, but you knew that wouldn’t stop me if I felt like it, and you did it anyway.” Darcy reminded him.

For a moment, Fury stared at her, and if Darcy wasn’t used to how he could remain so perfectly impassive on the surface, she would have been unnerved. As it was, she just waited for him to reach whatever conclusion he was going to. Finally, he rolled his eye and walked around the desk to sit on the edge and drag the box of take-out waffles over to him to open it up and peer inside. “I’m not changing my mind, Lewis.” He said, lifting out the stack of waffles on two paper plates.

“No, I know.” Darcy assured him. This earned her a droll, disbelieving look out of the corner of Fury’s eye as he separated the plates and split the stack of waffles between them, adding the plastic cutlery he also found in the box. Darcy smirked back as she took her portion and set it on the desk in front of her, leaning to one side to give Fury more space. “You could just have _told me_ you were into someone else.” She announced casually, not looking up from digging into her waffles.

There was the barest fraction of a pause. “And who, exactly, am I supposed to be interested in?” Fury asked, with just the right amount of wry humour to make it all sound like one massive joke. Even though she knew that he was a master at misdirection and subterfuge, Darcy still found herself wondering if Tony had been right, or if they were really barking up the wrong tree.

She shook that off. Too late to get cold feet now, she told herself sternly. “Bruce.” She informed him simply.

Fury snorted. “Good one.” He mocked dryly.

Darcy looked up at him, eyebrows raised and lips twisted into a doubtful little prompting expression. “Because sending Agents to Brazil to fetch a dog is all for the Greater Good, right?” She asked.

“Keeping the Hulk happy is in everyone’s interest.” Fury replied, voice carefully mild.

“Especially yours?” Darcy probed, eyes glittering, because she knew that tone. That was the tone she heard when Fury was uncomfortable and not showing it. And that meant they _were_ right, after all.

Fury eyed her for a long moment before going back to his waffles with a soft huff of resignation. “Where are you going with this, Lewis?” He asked wearily.

Darcy thought about that for a long moment. “Wanna go on a date to that cool renovated speakeasy that does live blues music in the evenings?” She asked idly, before popping a forkful of waffles into her mouth and watching him with bland curiosity while she chewed.

Fury opened his mouth, then stopped, eyes narrowing as he studied her intently. Darcy looked back, blinking innocently, until he carefully put his waffles aside and leaned over, bracing his forearm against his knee, which put his face much closer to hers. “You’re being deliberately vague, Lewis. What, exactly, are you getting at here?” He asked, confused and not liking the sensation very much.

Not bothering to try and hide the way her breath caught a little, having him so close all of a sudden, Darcy smiled. “Well I figured getting two for the price of one might make my offer a little bit more tempting, is all.” She replied, and though her words were casual, her tone was a little too sincere to quite pull it off.

She was treated to the very rare sight of Director Nick Fury looking perfectly taken aback for half a second. Then his expression went blank and calculating, until finally he leaned back, and Darcy was alarmed to see something pained flash behind his eye. “My answer hasn’t changed, Lewis. Enjoy your date with Dr Banner.”

Darcy felt it like a blow to the chest, and she gaped, struggling for words, as Fury got off the desk and strode around it, heading for the door. In some dusty corner of her brain that wasn’t reeling, Darcy noticed that for Fury to be _retreating_ like this, from his _own office_ , meant that she had actually, really hurt him with this conversation. Guilt clogged up her throat and she wrestled with her brain, trying to figure out what she could possibly say to fix this. Fury had reached the door by the time she found her voice. “Nick, wait!” She pleaded.

Fury paused, hesitated there with his hand on the door handle, but that was all she got. Then he opened the door and swept out.

A switch flipped inside Darcy, and she leapt out of the chair and scrambled after him, not caring that she had over turned a plate of waffles and disrupted several stacks of paperwork in her mad dash for the door. “God damn it, Nick!” She yelled, startling Fury’s new – or rather, old – PA, who jumped in as much fear as shock. Fury’s brisk stride across the room barely faltered. “What the hell is your problem?!” That shout followed him down the corridor, much like Darcy was doing, and out into the communal office of his more superior Agents, all of whom were staring in the direction of Fury’s office, and therefore them, in alarm. “Are you just allergic to being happy or what?!”

Fury rounded on her, glowering in a way that had scared hardened HYDRA Agents into surrendering without a protest. Darcy straightened her spine in the face of it and glared right back, despite the quiver it put in her gut. “This is not the place for this conversation.” He told her sternly.

“I’m not the one that walked out of the _soundproof office_ , so you’ve only got yourself to blame!” Darcy shot back fiercely.

“Drop it, Lewis.” Fury warned ominously.

“ _No_.” Darcy snapped. “You don’t get to do this. You do _not_ get to make my decisions for me, that is _not okay_!”

“This is _my_ decision.” Fury retorted.

“No, it’s not!” Darcy cried, throwing her arms in the air. “It’s the decision of the Director of SHIELD. But I’m not talking to a fucking spy organisation, I’m talking to _Nick_ , or is he so deeply buried behind your mask of super-spy that he doesn’t get a say anymore?!”

“That’s how people I love get _killed_ , Darcy!” Fury snapped, stepping back towards her until they were barely a foot apart. His expression wasn’t carefully modulated anymore, but cracked around the edges and showing depths of pain that Darcy could barely comprehend. When he spoke next, his voice was low, but no less angry for it. “I can’t just _stop_ being what I am, and what I am is the Director of SHIELD. If you can’t accept that, this wouldn’t work anyway.”

“I don’t want you to stop being who you are, idiot!” Darcy replied, voice cracking slightly. “I just want you to stop _assuming_ that it means you can’t be happy! I _know_ it’s dangerous, okay?! So when you said no, I didn’t _like_ it, but I accepted it, because I _don’t_ actually want to hurt you, or be the _reason_ you get hurt!” Fury opened his mouth, probably to make some comment about being glad Darcy understood, but Darcy steamrollered right over him, raising her voice to make sure he heard her. “But I come to you with a _pretty damn good solution_ , if I do say so myself, _ready made_ and _so fucking convenient_ I’d suspect _divine intervention_ , because _really_ , what are the odds that we’d _both_ -” Darcy cut herself off, suddenly hyper-aware of their audience. She knew that Fury had understood, because she saw the anger receding to make way for a more shrewd gleam in his eye. “And you didn’t even have the courtesy to _discuss_ it with me like a reasonable adult.” She concluded harshly, not letting her fractured sentence dim her own anger.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Fury informed her, voice hard and quivering ever so slightly with brutally restrained emotion.

“Yes you do.” Darcy snapped. “Because right now, by trying to avoid getting me hurt? _You_ are _hurting me_. So yes, I damn well do deserve _at least_ an explanation.” She informed him sharply, poking at his chest.

Something gave way, in the tiniest slump of Fury’s shoulders, in the faint tightening of the lines around his eyes, in the way his expression couldn’t seem to decide what to do. “You’re asking for a miracle, and you want to know why I’m not willing to stake something this important on it?” Fury asked quietly, intently.

Darcy felt her anger draining away. “You staked the fate of the world on a handful of freaks.” She reminded him gently, letting the hand that had been poking him settle flat against his chest instead, while resisting the urge to grab hold and never let go. She caught a flash of humour in his expression and smiled faintly. “This is lower stakes than that.” She concluded knowingly.

Fury dipped his head in acknowledgement, and Darcy really appreciated the lack of pretence, or even apology. She didn’t _want_ to be worth more than the entire world. That was too much. She just wanted to be worth _enough_. “If-” Fury began sternly, but Darcy didn’t need to hear anymore. She could hear the surrender in that one word, and she beamed. Fury scowled at her and repeated himself. “ _If_ you’re right, then I _might_ reconsider.”

Darcy laughed in pure delight and stood up on tiptoes to kiss him.

His hands came up to bracket her waist, whether to hold her still or hold her close, Darcy wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure if _Fury_ knew which he wanted for a moment, but then he stopped standing stiff against her and surged into the kiss with brutal passion. All Darcy could do was hold on to him and get swept up in it, which she was more than happy to do.

Someone whooped. There was a smattering of laughter, and then someone wolf whistled. After that, the rest of the Agents joined in, and there was actually some applause before Fury and Darcy broke apart, the latter grinning irrepressibly. “I knew this was a good idea.” Darcy announced, a little breathlessly.

Fury stared balefully at her, then looked over her head at the still applauding Agents. “It’s also _classified_.” He informed them sternly, cutting off a few of the less daring hecklers. Darcy giggled helplessly, ducking her head to rest her forehead against Fury’s shoulder as she shook with laughter. She felt Fury’s hands tighten their grip on her momentarily, before he let her go and nudged her gently away from him. She manfully suppressed her giggles, and looked up at him questioningly. “Get out of here, Darcy, and keep me updated.”

Darcy was pretty sure the grin that just exploded across her face was stupidly goofy, but she didn’t actually care. The sound of her given name on Fury’s tongue, without the heartbreaking rage he’d said it with before, was one of the best things she’d ever heard. “Actually, I was hoping you might help with that.” She stated tentatively, her grin edging closer to sheepish. The look Fury levelled at her was so witheringly unimpressed that Darcy did actually wince a little. “I just think it would sound better coming from you!” She protested before he had a chance to say a word. “I mean, you are generally considered a very practical, level-headed and down-to-earth person, and not really prone to flights of insane fancy, you know?”

“You’ve only got yourself to blame.” Fury informed her, arching one eyebrow at her.

The glimmer of amusement in his eyes at turning her own words against her made Darcy flush with embarrassment. She slumped in resignation, because she could tell there was no hope of getting Fury’s help on this. If she really wanted this, she was going to have to grab hold of it herself, and the utterly immovable expression on Fury’s face was telling her that loud and clear. “You know, it says something that I think I’m going to have more trouble with that conversation than this one.” She complained.

Fury considered that for a moment, then, to Darcy’s horror, nodded. “Good luck.”

“You’re supposed to tell me there’s no one more stubborn than you, and not to worry!” Darcy protested.

“You want me to lie to you?” Fury asked, perfectly innocently. There wasn’t even a hint of a smile anywhere on his face except for the glint of humour in his eyes.

“Ugh. You’re the worst.” Darcy retorted, but unlike Fury, she couldn’t actually keep the smile off her face. “I can’t believe I fell in love with you. I have awful taste.”

“I would agree with you, but…” Fury began, and he didn’t need to finish for Darcy to understand.

“Pot, meet Kettle?” Darcy concluded for him and Fury gave a small snort of amused agreement. For a moment, Darcy allowed herself to indulge in the hope that she would be able to have this, before she marshalled herself and readied herself for the final hurdle. “So, I’d better get on that.” She announced by way of a farewell. Fury simply nodded and turned back to wherever he’d been heading to get away from this discussion before. Darcy took one step towards the elevator, before she glanced over her shoulder “Oh, if I’m successful, when would be best for that date?” She asked brightly.

                “Pick an evening. I’ll make sure I’m free.” Fury replied without looking around at her.

Grinning, Darcy gave a cursory wave goodbye to Agent Hill, who looked stunned but also rather impressed, and made her way out of the Triskelion and back to Avengers Tower. By the time she got there, the high of her successful bargaining with Fury had worn off, and apprehension was beginning to set in. It hadn’t felt nearly so heavy, going to talk to Fury about it when it was still just an idea in her head. Now, she had something to _lose_ , not just everything to gain.

She was welcomed back into the Tower by JARVIS, sounding every inch the efficient AI as he greeted her, “Welcome home, ma’am.” Darcy couldn’t help but smile as she crossed the lobby towards one of the elevators. “Was your trip successful?”

And the nerves were back. “I’ll know that after I’ve spoken to Bruce.” She replied, stepping into the elevator that had conveniently dinged open as she approached. She didn’t bother with any of the buttons on the inside either, because she didn’t need to. JARVIS had the lift heading for the right floor the moment she was inside. “I’m really nervous.” She confessed.

JARVIS didn’t respond for a moment, but when he did, his voice was laced with far more emotion than he’d allowed himself to show in the lobby. “If it helps at all, Darcy, I believe Mr Stark’s assessment of Dr Banner’s attachment to Director Fury to be an accurate one.”

“It does. Thanks, J.” Darcy breathed out.

“You’re most welcome.” JARVIS replied.


	4. The Hulk

Darcy hadn’t been paying any attention to where the elevator was actually going until the doors slid open with a chime and she found herself stepping out into the communal living room of the Avengers. Bruce was settled in a very comfortable looking armchair, while Pepper occupied one of the seats on an unfairly large couch opposite him. Pepper had been in the middle of an explanation of some kind when Darcy arrived, but she paused politely as Darcy approached.

Bruce looked around when Pepper fell silent, and smiled more openly than Darcy was used to when he spotted who the interruption was. It made her feel warm through and twice as apprehensive. Something must have shown on her face, because Bruce’s face fell into lines of concern. Lines that were far too well worn in his face, in Darcy’s opinion. “Darcy, is everything alright?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Darcy assured him. “I was just hoping we could talk?” She asked, then glanced at Pepper. “Privately.” She added with an apologetic grimace. “It can wait, obviously, if this is important.”

This didn’t seem to assuage Bruce’s worry, but Pepper gave Darcy a knowing smile, and got to her feet. “It’s nothing urgent.” She assured Darcy kindly. “I just thought Bruce might like a chance to look over the notes we have on Extremis.” She explained, then looked back to Bruce. “I’ll send you the files.” She informed him.

Bruce nodded distractedly. “Thank you.” Pepper smiled at him, then clicked her way across the room, past Darcy and into the waiting elevator. Darcy heard her begin discussing meetings and schedules with JARVIS as the lift doors closed behind her. Darcy took her place on the couch and tried to order her thoughts into a coherent argument. “Darcy…?” Bruce prompted when she’d been quiet for too long.

“I, um…” Darcy began, then faltered, and licked her lips nervously.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Bruce asked in bewildered concern.

Darcy nodded quickly. “Yeah.” She said again, then told herself firmly to stop dilly-dallying and just get on with it. “So, I have it on pretty good authority that you might have a bit of a crush on Nick?” She blurted out.

Bruce went pink, which was as good as a confirmation, in Darcy’s opinion, but it was accompanied by a startled look. Then he frowned. “Have you been talking to Tony?” He asked vaguely unimpressed suspicion.

“Yes.” Darcy nodded.

“And you believed him?” Bruce pressed.

Darcy raised her eyebrows at him. “He was right though, wasn’t he?” She shot back, and Bruce’s blush darkened. Darcy couldn’t help but smile as she nodded. “Thought so.”

“Is that why you’re acting so nervous?” Bruce asked on a resigned sigh. “Because, Darcy-” And now he looked uncomfortable, almost shy, and it was utterly endearing. “You have to know it’s not- It’s hardly a _realistic_ -” He shook his head and huffed a laugh at himself. “I’m being ridiculous.” He stated with rueful self-deprecation.

“But what if it was realistic?” Darcy probed, feeling hope fluttering away in her chest, making her a little breathless.

Bruce glanced up at her with one eyebrow arched. “Are you asking me who I’d _prefer_ -?” He began, but Darcy cut him off.

“No! No, god no.” She interrupted quickly, flapping her hands. “I’m asking if you’d like to go on a date with me _and_ Nick at some point.” She said quickly, before she could chicken out. Dead silence met her pronouncement, and when she chanced a glance up, she found Bruce simply staring at her, stunned speechless.

After several long minutes, Bruce cleared his throat. “Are you- Darcy, what-?” He stammered out. Then he shook his head. “You can’t be serious.” He announced, wearily amused, looking at her with a perfectly neutral, expectant expression that Darcy didn’t like at all.

“I am.” She told him quietly, feeling a little more like herself as stubbornness had her setting her jaw against the incredulous shock on Bruce’s face. “I know it’s not exactly conventional, but… that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least give it a go. I really think it could work, and… and I’d _like it_ to work, because-” Darcy cut herself off, struggling for words. “Because I love you both, and I want you both to be happy and have everything you want.”

Bruce shook his head, not in denial, but as though he was trying to shake loose bothersome thoughts. Darcy still shut up, waiting with baited breath to see if this was it, if she’d lost them both with this ridiculous plan, but Bruce didn’t say a word for the longest time. When he finally did speak, it wasn’t at all what Darcy was expecting. “I don’t think it works like that.” He said quietly.

Darcy frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Bruce began, taking a deep breath, “that I don’t think any of us are the sort who would be particularly good at- at an open relationship.”

“No, I know.” Darcy assured him. “I’m not… I don’t want to share you.” She stated, and Bruce leaned back a little in his seat with a grim smile. “I _really_ don’t like the idea of some random stranger getting half your time, like I’m not… _good enough_ , but… I don’t know, that doesn’t really apply to Nick. I don’t feel _threatened_ by him because, well, because I know he cares about me as much as he cares about you. And vice versa. It- If it was anyone else, I don’t know if I’d be okay with this, but it’s _Nick_ , so…” She trailed off with a shrug.

Bruce stared at her, a touch incredulous. “That doesn’t make any sense, Darcy.” He informed her tiredly.

Darcy shrugged. “Emotions are messy and weird, but… If we – all three of us – get together, and you and Nick go off to do something just the two of you or whatever, without me, I… I don’t think I’d feel jealous because I know you both care about me, and will come back eventually. Does that make more sense?”

The look on Bruce’s face said it didn’t. He shook his head with a pained grimace and rubbed at his forehead like the conversation was giving him a headache. After a little while, he glanced back up at Darcy, a little more considering this time, but no more happy than before. “Look, Darcy, you don’t have to try and spare my feelings like this.” He said with a bitter little smile.

“B-what?” Darcy stammered out, completely taken aback.

“If you and Nick want to try and make a go of things, then I’m happy for you both, and I wish you all the best-” Bruce spoke as though he was hoping that if he said it out loud, it would make it true. Darcy gaped at him and wondered, in the back of her mind, why she was surprised.

“Did you not hear me?!” She yelped, cutting Bruce off mid-sentence. Bruce jerked backwards at her shout, startled. “My _god_ , it’s like both of you _deliberately_ only hear the part that makes you miserable! Did everything I just said about _loving you both_ go in one ear and out the other?! Did I say _anything_ about- about choosing one of you or preferring Nick?! Did I even say _anything_ about what Nick wants or thinks?! Jesus _Christ_ , are you really _so hell bent_ on assuming the worst that you don’t even _hear the words coming out of my mouth_?!”

“That’s not what this is about.” Bruce replied, eyes closed, a pained little frown on his face.

“No?” Darcy shot back with mocking incredulity.

Bruce swallowed hard and Darcy suddenly noticed that his hand was clenched around the arm of the chair so tight his knuckles had gone white. “Darcy, please.” He gritted out. “Just stop for a moment. Just… _stop_.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Bruce.” Darcy told him, but she did lower her voice a little.

“ _Well, you should be!_ ” Bruce snapped, fierce and angry and scared and only just barely holding it all back.

Darcy thought about that for a moment, and decided it wasn’t even worth an answer. “If it’s not about you trying to deny yourself what you want when I’m offering it to you on a silver platter, then what _is it_ about?” She asked calmly. Bruce’s eyes flashed open to stare at her, and she met his green-tinted gaze head on, without flinching. After a moment he looked away, mouthing helplessly with incredulous shock. “Do you think it’s… wrong? To be with two people at once?” Darcy hazarded a guess.

“It’s not- I just don’t think it would _work_ , Darcy. I don’t think _I_ could-” Bruce was clearly struggling for the right words, but Darcy thought she was beginning to understand.

“You’re afraid you’re going to be left behind?” She asked gently.

Bruce still flinched like she’d shouted. “ _Someone_ is going to get left out.” He stated with absolute conviction. His eyes flicked up to her, with such depth of feeling in them that it took Darcy’s breath away. She also couldn’t help but notice that the swirls of gamma-green invading his irises were actually very beautiful. “No matter how you think you would feel about… being involved with the two of us, it’s not- I don’t think you can just pick and chose who to be jealous of like that. If we don’t all just tear ourselves apart over it, then one of us is going to end up drawing the short straw. And it’s not going to be you, Darcy. You’re… very easy to love.” He confessed, going a little pink with embarrassment as he ducked his head down between shoulders pulled high with tension.

Darcy smiled sadly, flattered by the compliment and _aching_ inside at Bruce’s ingrained pessimism. “It’s not about picking and choosing. As long as I know you both want me, too – and aren’t going to deny it just because you’re martyrs – then I’m not- I’m _really not bothered_ by the two of you being together.” She paused. “Are you bothered by it? Even if you _know_ that I don’t _prefer_ Nick, that _I love you_ , does it still bother you that I love him too?” She asked, even though she half wished she hadn’t because she was a little afraid of the answer.

But she didn’t get an answer. Bruce’s whole posture went even more closed off and he shook his head again, more a rejection f the question than a positive answer. “That’s not the point.” He said roughly.

“I think it’s exactly the point.” Darcy retorted, voice hard enough to make Bruce startle. “You’re so afraid of what could go wrong that you’re not even letting yourself _think_ of how it could go _right_! I just- God, Bruce, it’s _okay_ to let yourself _want things_! Even if it’s unreasonable, even if it’s not realistic, even if it’s _completely_ impossible, you’re _still allowed to want nice things_!”

“I know, Darcy.” Bruce assured her, sounding pained.

“Good. So what do you _want_? Do you _want me_?” Darcy asked, watching him intently. Bruce closed his eyes, refusing to meet her gaze, but nodded like it hurt him. “Good, then you can have me. Do you want _Nick_?” She asked, and this time, it took Bruce several moments to gather himself enough to manage a short, vaguely ashamed nod. “Good. You can have him too!”

“It’s not-”

“Don’t say it’s not that simple!” Darcy interrupted. “It _can be_ that simple, if you’ll just _let it_! Ok, so maybe, somewhere down the line, we’ll find out it won’t work. Maybe tomorrow World War Three will start and we’ll all get nuked. Maybe someone will fall out of love, or find someone else, and we’ll have to renegotiate. Anything can happen tomorrow, and if all you’re doing is looking for a reason this won’t work, you’re going to find three dozen!”

“If there are _that many_ reasons it won’t work-” Bruce began.

“There’s one reason why it _will_ , and it trumps _every_ other reason it won’t!” Darcy interrupted, and then leaned forwards, bracing her hands on the table. “It’ll work because _we want it to_ , and that means that I, at least, am going to _fight tooth and nail_ to _make it work_ , whether it’s _likely_ or _not_ , because that’s what you _do_ when you love someone. You _fight_ for their happiness against _everything_ the world has to throw at you.”

For a moment, Darcy thought maybe she was getting through to Bruce. He hesitated, looking uncertain and torn, wavering on the knife-edge of his decision. There was something so fragile in him in that moment, fighting to think rationally through all the fear and the frustration that was bringing that vibrant green to his eyes. “Sometimes the best thing to do for the people you love is to let them be happy without you.” Bruce said, with great effort, stunning Darcy speechless. “And Nick is- he’s safer, he’ll make sure you’re safe-”

“Shut up.” Darcy snapped, the words forced out of her before she’d thought it through out of sheer frustration. “For the last _goddamned_ _fucking time_ , I _don’t care_ about being _‘safe_ ’! Sure, maybe with Nick, there isn’t the worry that a car alarm will irritate him and he’ll turn into an enormous green rage monster, but what happens when Hydra thinks ‘oh, I know how we can get to the Director of SHIELD, lets kidnap his pretty, defenceless, civilian girlfriend’?! And sure, maybe I could avoid that by dating you, but then there’s the issue of big-green. And, hey, even _living in Avengers Tower_ is dangerous, because god knows you guys get attacked by _something_ every other week. In fact! I shouldn’t even be hanging out with Jane! Because, I mean, there’s Dark elves and Destroyers and Aliens and god knows what else coming after Thor, and Jane’s always going to be in the thick of things there! Maybe I should just crawl in a hole and try not to _breathe_ too much in case I poison myself with pollution!”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Bruce informed her, taking his glasses off with a shaking hand and rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

“No, I’m showing you how ridiculous _you’re_ being.” Darcy retorted, eyeing the hand holding his glasses resentfully. “And don’t you dare try and use the Hulk as an excuse to avoid this conversation again.”

“It’s not an _excuse_! I _don’t want_ to _hurt you_!”

“Then stop being such a fucking martyr!”

“Do you have a death wish?” Bruce growled, and it definitely was deeper and more gravely than usual. “Is that what this is? Attach yourself to the two most dangerous men you can find and dare the world and everything in it to take a shot until it kills you?!”

“Of course not!” Darcy burst out. “I’m just not going to run scared every time there’s a little bit of danger! I’m just not! Life’s not worth living without taking a few risks, and I’d be willing to risk a lot more than the occasional prospect of physical harm to see the two of you really, truly _happy_ , for _once in your stupid lives_!”

It was visible on his face, the moment Bruce lost his hold on the Hulk. Accompanied by the sound of ripping cloth was the sound of breaking glass as Bruce put his fist through the coffee table. The armchair splintered and broke as he expanded, skin turning vibrant green, and the Hulk snarled and picked up the remains of the coffee table to throw them at the wall. He glanced at Darcy, then roared, kicked out at the remains of the armchair, and launched himself across the room to pummel Tony’s well stocked – with extremely expensive alcohol – bar.

Darcy remained where she’d been sitting, her heart racing away somewhere in the vicinity of her throat, but otherwise miraculously unharmed. It made her feel a petty sort of triumph, and she decided she wasn’t so magnanimous that she wasn’t going to rub this in Bruce’s face when he woke up again.

“Shall I activate the alarms, Darcy?” JARVIS asked, calm and crisp over the sounds of breaking glass and the Hulk’s irritable snorts.

“No, we’re good, JARVIS. But maybe give Tony a heads up that he might have to replace some furniture? I’m pretty sure I can trust him not to come bursting in here just because of a little Hulk out, right?” Darcy checked.

“I shall assure him his assistance is not needed.” JARVIS replied, sounding amused.

“Thanks, J.” Darcy shot a smile towards the ceiling, and then refocused on the Hulk. He gave the shattered remains of the bar one last disgruntled kick, and went still. After a few moments, Darcy got to her feet and tentatively walked closer. “Hulk?” She asked.

The Hulk looked at her, and Darcy discovered in that moment that a pouting Hulk was right up there with kittens in top hats on the adorable scale. “Banner stupid.” The Hulk announced petulantly, shuffling sideways and sitting down hard enough to shake the room.

“For such a genius, he can be pretty dumb sometimes.” Darcy agreed, wandering closer and sitting down in front of the Hulk. The Hulk huffed his agreement and reached out to stroke a calloused green finger down the side of her face. Darcy leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed without her permission.

“Darcy good for Banner.” The Hulk rumbled after a long, long moment of peaceful quiet. Darcy blinked her eyes open to look up at him. “Hulk like Darcy.”

Darcy couldn’t help but grin at that. “Darcy likes Hulk, too.” She replied, reaching up to hold onto the hand that was still hovering next to her face. That move earned her a lopsided little smile from the Hulk that was unfairly adorable. “I just wish Bruce would understand that, you know? That even though sometimes I’m a little intimidated by you, I’m not _scared_ , because I like you, and I know you like me, so, even if you did hurt me, I know you wouldn’t _mean_ it. That matters, but I don’t think Bruce really understands that.”

The Hulk grunted in agreement, then scooped Darcy up without warning and tucked her close against his side, so that she was sitting in the crook of his elbow, her face level with his. “Fury good for Banner, too. But Hulk not so sure about him.” He grumbled.

Darcy snorted. “He can be a little high-handed and paranoid.”

Hulk rumbled a low growl in his chest that vibrated through Darcy like the aftershock of an earthquake. “Scared of Hulk.” He muttered. “Stupid. _Annoying_.”

“He’s not scared of you.” Darcy corrected. The Hulk responded with a very eloquent snarl of disbelief. “He’s not. He’s _wary,_ because, well, you _are_ ridiculously strong, and that means you _can_ do damage.” She glanced over her shoulder at the remnants of the bar. “Case in point. But he knows you’re not out of control, and he knows you _care_. Like I said, that _matters_ , and Nick knows it, too.” She paused, then smiled a little and leaned in to rest her cheek against the Hulk’s shoulder. “Did you know that when Nick was putting together the idea of the Avengers, you and Bruce were one of his first picks? He’s always known you have it in you to be a hero, and he always wanted to give you that chance.”

“Built _cage_.” The Hulk protested, but there was far less conviction in his voice than before.

“He’s got contingency plans for _every_ Avenger going AWOL. And, from the sheer number of fail-safes he’s got for if Tony goes dark side, you are _not_ the one he’s most worried about.” Darcy informed him in a tone laced with wicked amusement.

When the Hulk huffed, he sounded surprised. After a long moment, he said “Banner stupid,” again, making Darcy laugh.

“Yeah, a bit.” Darcy agreed again. “I’m gonna talk him around, though. I promise.”

“Good.” The Hulk announced, and then he swayed where he was sitting. Darcy’s eyes widened in alarm as he began to shrink and slump backwards, with her still tucked between his arm and his side. By the time he hit the ground, he was pink and normal-sized again, and Darcy only barely managed to slam one hand into the floor to stop herself crashing down on top of him.

Bruce groaned, face screwing up. Then his eyes flashed open in alarm, and he was met with the sight of a beaming Darcy, hovering a scant foot or two above his face. “Good morning, handsome.” She greeted brightly. “Your alter-ego thinks you’re stupid, by the way, and is also really good at giving hugs.”

Darcy watched incomprehension suffuse Bruce’s features until he gave up trying to make the world make sense, and then he settled into resigned, fond confusion. Without a word he reached out and carefully nudged her glasses up from where they were resting on the very tip of her nose and settled them back where they were supposed to be. Then the tips of his fingers followed the line of her cheek and down along her jaw, in a careful gesture so similar to the Hulk’s that Darcy was smiling helplessly as she closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

Bruce’s hand twitched against her face, and she opened her eyes to see him frowning up at her, a slightly glazed look in his eyes. “I did this before.” He said quietly, and then his eyes flew wide. “No, _he_ did that.” He corrected, a touch of horror tainting his bewilderment.

Darcy nodded. “Told you. He gives good hugs.”

“Hugs.” Bruce repeated.

Darcy nodded again.

“He hugged you.”

“Yup.”

“You let him hug you.”

“Excuse _you_ , I hugged _back_. I’m not _that_ rude.”

“You… hugged back?”

“Well, snuggled.” Darcy corrected.

“You _snuggled_. With _the Hulk_.”

“Yup.”

“The Hulk _snuggled_ you?”

“He likes me.” Darcy announced proudly.

Bruce’s breath left him in one great rush like he’d been winded. “Evidently.” He breathed out in a whisper, utterly stunned. “I-… I still think you’re completely insane.” He added, which sounded an awful lot like a surrender.

Darcy’s breath caught with the sudden surge of hope in her chest. It felt fragile, tinged with disbelief after how adamant Bruce had been about not listening, but it was there, and Darcy didn’t have the strength of cynicism to fight it off. “Does that mean you’ll think about what I said?” She asked breathlessly.

Bruce shook his head, which was in direct contrast to the way he said “Yes. Alright? Yes.”

Relief coloured with delight flooded Darcy and she bowed her head to rest her forehead against Bruce’s, eyes closed against the sudden surge of emotion. She was not expecting him to lift his head to meet her and kiss her insistently, but she wasn’t complaining. She lifted her free hand, the one not supporting her weight, and carded her fingers through Bruce’s hair like she’d been dreaming of doing for months. It was just as soft as it looked, and the quiet little noise Bruce made when she scratched lightly at his scalp was doing funny things to her insides.

When they finally drew apart for air, Bruce looked dazed by his own happiness. “Is that a yes to that date, then?” Darcy asked.

“Yes.” Bruce nodded. “It’s stupid and reckless and it’s going to end in complete disaster, but _yes_. Fine. You win.” He didn’t sound all that unhappy about it, despite his words.

“ _We_ win.” Darcy corrected, and leaned down to kiss him again.

They were both so absorbed in each other that they completely missed the ding of the elevator as the doors opened. However, neither of them missed the startled yelp of “Oh my _god_ , _get a room_!” They broke apart, and Darcy glanced over her shoulder at Tony, standing frozen just in front of the elevator, one hand over his eyes. Which was redundant because he was peeking through his fingers at them.

“Shouldn’t have interrupted if you didn't want to see something like this, should you?” Darcy retorted.

Tony gave her a pained look. “JARVIS said you were having a personal conversation, not- engaging in _personal shenanigans_.” He stated, waving a hand vaguely at the two of them and pulling a distressed face. “There are just some things a father should _never_ have to see, and his daughter making out with a naked guy on the floor is right at the top of that list!” He informed her with frantic indignation.

Darcy snickered at him, completely without pity, but she was distracted from making another comeback when she felt Bruce go very still beneath her. “ _What_?” He asked in alarm, and Darcy couldn’t help it. She dropped her forehead onto his collar and dissolved into hysterics.

Somewhere behind her, she heard Tony say “Oops?” in a completely unrepentant tone, which didn’t help in the slightest.


	5. The Date

Bruce had spent a long time carefully cultivating a peaceful mindset. He knew calming techniques that originated in over ten different countries, he meditated regularly, and he even did tai chi with Natasha on the weekends. He was very good at maintaining an inner balance. Which is why it was so very disconcerting to have his heart leaping into his throat at random moments in the day, for no other reason than his mind had wandered.

Before the afternoon had even really gotten started, he retreated back to his rooms, settled on the floor in front of his TV and tried to meditate. It wasn’t working the way it usually did. He was too tense. By the time six o’clock rolled around, he was frazzled and frustrated and desperate. And he nearly Hulked out at a knock on the door. “Uh… come in?” He called, scrubbing a hand over his face as if that could wipe away the tension.

“Thought you might like a wingman?” Tony offered as he sauntered into Bruce’s living room and raised his eyebrows at the man lying on the floor in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. “You… do remember that you’re going on a date in an hour, right?” He checked.

Bruce groaned. “This is a terrible idea.” He stated as he levered himself back into a sitting position and tried, yet again, to find his mental equilibrium.

“Whoa, hey, no. No chickening out now, Brucie.” Tony said at once. “Come on, it’s going to be great. They’re both besotted with you, you know that right? Fury’s been being _disturbingly_ nice ever since you guys agreed to make a go of this, and _Darcy’s_ been bouncing off the walls with excitement.”

“Not helping, Tony.” Bruce snapped out around a spike of nerves that had him automatically employing some deep-breathing exercises.

There was a long pause, and when Bruce looked up at Tony, he found the other man frowning at him in something akin to incredulous bafflement. “You really are nervous, aren’t you? You’ve got the worst case of pre-date jitters ever, haven’t you?” He asked finally.

Bruce swallowed and looked away. “If you laugh-” He warned, feeling his cheeks heat with embarrassment.

He thought he heard a sound like a choked back snicker, but when he glanced back suspiciously, Tony’s face was perfectly neutral. “No, no. Ok. I’m good, I swear.” Tony assured him, lips twitching. “Ok. I don’t really know how these things work, I never did the dating thing, like, ever, but I’m sure together we can figure this out. I’m _pretty_ sure that you’re not really supposed to go on dates in sweatpants, so why don’t you get dressed, and-”

“I still have an hour, Tony, I don’t think-”

“ _That_ is how you wind up with five minutes to go and no clean underwear. Go get dressed.” Tony interrupted, pointing dramatically at Bruce’s bedroom door.

Bruce stared at him for a long moment. “You’re quoting Pepper, aren’t you?” He asked dryly, but he was getting to his feet as he said it.

“Yup.” Tony confirmed, unashamed.

Bruce got as far as pulling open his shirt drawer before his heart did it again, leaping into his throat like it thought it belonged there and setting his skin prickling with hyper-awareness. He stared at the shirts for a long moment, mind oddly blank, before he closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “I can’t do this.” He muttered, unsure if he really meant it, or if he just needed to say it.

“Do you require assistance, Dr Banner?” JARVIS asked tentatively. Bruce nearly slammed the draw shut on his fingers, he jumped so badly. “My apologies, Dr Banner, I didn’t mean to startle you.” JARVIS apologised.

“No, it’s- I’m a mess today. This was an awful idea.” Bruce informed him.

“It is a normal reaction, to be nervous before a first date, I believe.” JARVIS replied.

Bruce’s smile was bitter and weary. “Normal? Maybe, but… When _normal_ people get nervous, they bite their nails or grind their teeth.” He said pointedly.

JARVIS was quiet for a long moment. “If you truly believe this to be a bad idea, I can inform Miss Lewis and Director Fury of your decision.” He offered.

Strangely enough, it wasn’t the thought of Darcy’s disappointed pout that swayed him, but the image of the resigned, pained acceptance he would get from Nick that had him saying “No, no, I’m just- Could you- Uh… Tony?” The last word came out a little louder than the rest, and a moment later, Tony was sticking his head inside.

“Yeah, Brucie?”

Bruce reminded himself to just deal with one thing at a time. “I don’t know what to wear.” He admitted, with a rueful glance down at the shirts laid out in the drawer.

Tony blinked, then grinned. “That is so cliché, Bruce. _So_ cliché. Alright, what’ve we got to work with?” He asked, clapping his hands and stepping fully into the room. Bruce just gestured helplessly at his sparsely filled chest of drawers that still held more clothes than he had owned over the last decade put together.

Half an hour later, Bruce was starting to feel vaguely desperate, Tony looked frustrated, and they were still no closer to figuring out an outfit. Bruce wanted to just throw his hands in the air and give up, but he felt like that would be unnecessarily melodramatic, so reigned in the impulse. He, once again, nearly jumped out of his skin when someone at the door cleared their throat in a way that was obviously hiding a laugh.

“Natasha.” Bruce stated in blank surprise.

Natasha was smirking at him. “JARVIS mentioned that you might appreciate someone with sartorial expertise?” She offered, and she was definitely laughing at him, but at the moment, Bruce didn’t think he minded if she was here to save him.

“Oh, god, yes, please, and thank you.” He groaned.

Natasha did laugh at that. “Wear your purple shirt, leave your hair alone, and…” She instructed, before looking him up and down with an intent sort of thoughtfulness. “Hmm, do you have a dark pair of jeans? Because those and that dark charcoal blazer I’ve seen you in would look good.” She decided.

“Yeah, he does, but he never wears them.” Tony answered for him.

“Hulking out in jeans is not fun.” Bruce pointed out.

“Well, hopefully you’ll be avoiding that tonight.” Natasha interjected, just as Tony thrust the shirt, jeans and blazer into Bruce’s hands. He nearly dropped them when his insides lurched again at Natasha’s words, and then clutched at them to make double sure he didn’t drop them while he scrambled for calm. “Wow.” Natasha murmured, looking at him with something that might have been concerned pity. “You really are nervous, aren’t you?”

“I heard that was normal.” Bruce remarked weakly as he placed the clothes on his bed and shucked off his sweatpants. It was hard to be self-conscious about his body when everyone on the team had already seen him naked and covered in rubble several times over.

Neither Natasha or Tony even blinked as he tugged on the jeans, which were stiff and slightly uncomfortable. He ignored it, though, and tugged his t-shirt over his head. “Well, a little bit.” Natasha acknowledged. “But your eyes went green there for a moment.” She pointed out.

Bruce nearly dropped the purple shirt he’d just picked up as an ominous sense of fear and foreboding lanced through him. “ _Jesus_ , I don’t think I can do this.” He said again, running a shaking hand through his hair.

Natasha came over to his side, studying his face with open, honest concern. “It’s just a date, Bruce.” She said gently. “They’re not going to eat you.” She paused, closed her eyes, and added “Don’t say it, Stark.” in a warning tone.

“Oh, come on.” Tony protested. “That was too easy! I have to.” A fractional pause. “They _might_ eat you, if you ask nice.”

Bruce let out a strangled, slightly hysterical laugh, and now both of them were looking at him in concern. “Tony, if there’s one reason you actually _should_ support my dating your daughter, it’s that things like that are _never_ going to happen.” He informed the man bluntly.

Tony frowned. “Ok, wait, what? I mean, putting aside the fact that I would never wish celibacy on _anyone_ – well, maybe Hammer – let alone my own daughter, _and_ putting aside the fact that there’s also Fury in this little equation; I saw you two on the penthouse floor, remember?” He prompted, and ignored Bruce’s muttered ‘vividly’. “Why would you say sex isn’t going to happen?” He asked.

“Tony, don’t be disingenuous.” Bruce sighed.

Tony’s frown deepened. “No, really. I’m not getting this.”

Bruce stared at him, waiting for the penny to drop, but Tony just stared back expectantly. He glanced at Natasha, who was looking equally puzzled, and felt his frustration beginning to boil over. He ruthlessly tamped it back down. “The last time I tried to- I _can’t_ , alright? Not without the Other Guy making an appearance.” He explained haltingly.

Natasha made a soft sound of comprehension, while Tony’s expression slowly transitioned from blank processing to utterly horrified. “You mean to say that you haven’t had sex in _over ten years_?!” He demanded. Bruce just nodded. “That is a travesty.” Tony announced gravely.

“Shut up, Stark.” Natasha sighed. “You know that’s not going to upset them, don’t you? They’re pretty besotted with you, I don’t think they’re going to mind that sex might not be a part of your relationship with them.”

Bruce shrugged. “I figured we would burn that bridge when we got to it.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at his pessimism. “The _point_ ,” she insisted, bringing the conversation back on track, “is that you don’t actually have anything to worry about tonight. It’s just going to be the three of you, spending the evening together because you want to enjoy each other’s company. Nothing too intimidating about that, is there?” She soothed.

“You’re being very patronising right now, and I’m not sure I like it.” Bruce informed her, half joking but with a little edge of warning under the humour, too. Natasha looked apologetic for all of half a second, then she just looked amused. Bruce sighed and finally picked up the shirt again and shrugged into it. “And yes, it is intimidating. I haven’t had to deal with people like this for- for a very long time.”

“People can be terrifying.” Natasha acknowledged. “But you know these people. It’s Darcy and Nick. Doesn’t that help?”

“ _No_.” Bruce stressed, fingers fumbling over the buttons on his shirt until he huffed and gave up for the moment. “No, it makes it _worse_.” He paused for a moment, struggling with himself, and then relented and let it all come pouring out. “I haven’t- I haven’t been around people that _mattered_ since before the- the Other Guy. It’s one thing when it’s Tony and you and Clint, but this is-… I haven’t been on a first date since I was a teenager! I’ve had exactly _one_ significant other in my life, and she-” He cut himself off abruptly, feeling the familiar haze stealing over his mind, and he devoted all of his attention to ruthlessly squashing it back down, despite the disgruntled rumblings he could sense from his alter-ego.

“You’re afraid you’re going to hurt them.” Natasha stated.

Bruce didn’t open his eyes, didn’t lift his head, but he did nod minutely, fingers still pressed against his closed eyes as he wrestled with himself. “Which is why you’re going on this date.” Tony reminded him. “Because not doing would hurt them.”

“Yeah.” He agreed on a sigh. It didn’t get rid of his fears, but it soothed them a little, to have it laid out so simply like that for him.

“Well, you’re almost out of time to freak out, so you’d better get your blazer on and get down to the lobby.” Tony continued, and when Bruce’s head snapped up, he saw that Tony was holding his blazer out for him and shaking it slightly in impatience.

Smiling a little ruefully through his sudden panic, Bruce let Tony hold the jacket while he shrugged into it, but he put his foot down when he and Natasha tried to nanny him all the way down the lobby. He felt enough like a teenager as it was. Since Nick was the only one that had a car of his own, Darcy had suggested he play chauffeur rather than risking a Hulk-out in a cab or the subway. Bruce had agreed wholeheartedly at the time, but now he was kind of wishing he had borrowed one of Tony’s cars, since that would have cut down on the nervous waiting time that was in no way helping him feel _less_ like a teenager.

Thanks to the sleek modern design of Stark Tower, Bruce saw the moment Nick’s ridiculously bulky black SUV pulled up next to the curb through the clear glass doors. He was outside and getting into the passenger seat before Nick could even consider killing the engine. Said man watched him with more emotion on his face than he usually showed in a whole day; a small appreciative smile curling his lips and a surprising amount of warmth in his eyes. “You look good, Bruce.” He complimented, mild but definitely sincere.

“Thank Natasha.” Bruce replied wryly, and it earned him a chuckle. Taking the opportunity as Nick pulled back out into the evening traffic, Bruce looked him over. He didn’t look too much different from normal, he was still mostly dressed in black with a leather jacket, but instead of his intimidating ankle-length one, this one was shorter, plainer, and worn around the cuffs and collar in a way that suggested that once upon a time, it had been a favoured article of clothing. Underneath, he was wearing a dark maroon henley shirt and black cargo pants. “I like the jacket.” He added.

Nick glanced at him, eyebrow raised as if he was expecting sarcasm, but Bruce was sincere, and it made him smile again. “Almost forgot I still had it.” He admitted easily. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve had an opportunity to wear it.” There was a thoughtful pause, and then Nick continued. “I’m glad you agreed to this, Bruce.” He said finally, and Bruce, feeling his cheeks heating, was glad that Nick had to pay attention to the road.

“I nearly didn’t.” Bruce admitted. “It-” He wasn’t sure he could find tactful words to explain the quiet sense of dread this whole affair had instilled in him.

“Seems like it’s just asking for trouble?” Nick finished for him, shooting him a wry, knowing glance before he had to refocus on the road.

Bruce let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. “Yes, exactly.”

“Mm, I know the feeling. But Darcy made a very compelling argument in favour of at least giving us a shot.” Nick mused. “We’ve taken bigger risks than this, with far less chance of coming out the other side in once piece.”

“Maybe you have.” Bruce corrected with a pained grimace. “I went to a lot of trouble to avoid making any connections like this, precisely because I didn’t want to take the risk.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of taking on an alien army with only a handful of freaks, and the fate of the world hanging in the balance.” Nick pointed out.

Bruce let out a startled huff of laughter that almost surprised him for how genuine it was. “Okay, fair point.” He acknowledged, smiling despite the topic of conversation. “But alien armies and megalomaniacal gods are actually a lot less scary than going on a date.” He announced, trying to ignore how painfully honest those words were.

Nick was silent for a long moment, and when Bruce chanced a look at him, he found something pained and raw on Nick’s face. “Because ripping people apart is easy. Keeping them together? Not so much.” Nick said finally.

There were no words Bruce could say to that, so instead he just reached out and rested his hand atop Nick’s where it was loosely holding the gear stick. Nick shifted his hand a little so their fingers interwove, and smiled faintly at the windscreen. “It’s a little ironic.” Bruce mused, a long while later, when they were pulling up outside the apartment building where Darcy and Jane were staying. “I try not to make connections so that when I run, I’m not leaving things behind, but I only ever run to protect the people I care about.”

Nick left the engine idling as he considered that. “You thinking of running again?” He asked, tone perfectly neutral in that way he had that Bruce knew could be hiding so very much.

Still, he wasn’t going to lie, not even to spare Nick’s feelings. “A little. I don’t want to hurt you. Either of you. Darcy- doesn’t get that. I think you do, though.” Nick nodded without a word. “Which is why I’m not running yet. But… I can’t say I won’t, and that… that’s a big part of the reason why I didn’t want to agree to this. It will hurt you both more when that happens if we do this.”

At that, Nick turned to look at him, and he looked amused. He shook his head, slow and exasperated, and very nearly rolled his eyes. “You’re wrong, there.” He informed him. “If you leave, or if your alter-ego decides to play whack-a-mole with us-” Bruce winced at that vivid imagery. “-we’re not going to take it personally.”

Bruce blinked, then frowned. “How- What do you mean?” He asked.

Nick leaned over, arm braced on the armrest between them, and Bruce found himself unconsciously leaning in to press his arm against the warm line of Nick’s, even as Nick’s intent stare left him feeling oddly bashful. “I mean, Bruce, that we know you.” He paused for a second, thoughtful. “To be fair, partly, I won’t take it personal because I know that if you leave, it won’t take me a week to find you again-” Bruce made an indignant sound in the back of his throat, but Nick just gave him a _look_ and continued talking like there hadn’t been an interruption. “-but mostly, it’s because we know you care about us. Whatever happens, however the circumstances change, that won’t change. We love you, and as long as you still love us, too, we’ll always be there for you.”

“How can you say that so calmly?” Bruce asked, shaking his head a little in disbelief, unsure if he actually wanted an answer or not.

Nick grinned a little, amused and sneaky and a little bit smug. “There’s no getting rid of us now. You’re stuck with us, no matter what. You want to run again? Okay. You do that. Just remember I’ll be right where you left me, if you need me.”

Bruce’s breath hitched a little, and he didn’t even try to stop himself leaning in the last few inches and kissing Nick with all the pained appreciation and sudden upsurge of affection he was feeling in that moment. Nick’s hand came up to cradle his skull, his palm warm against Bruce’s cheek and his fingers stroking the sensitive skin behind his ear. Even though it was surprisingly tame and remarkably gentle – for all the violence they were both capable of – it was still so good it hurt. “Thinking about it less, now.” Bruce murmured, a little breathless, against Nick’s lips, which quirked into an ironic little half-smile.

“You’re welcome.” Nick replied, amused and sincere in equal measure.

Huffing a laugh, Bruce stole one last quick kiss, and then leaned back. “We should-” He began, gesturing at the apartment building they were idling beside.

“She’ll be down in a minute.” Nick informed him, and when Bruce raised his eyebrows at his certainty, he added “I saw her at her window when we pulled up. She knows we’re here.”

Bruce settled back in his seat and watched the doorway to the apartment building. He could almost picture the frantic, excited state Darcy would be in, trying to leave and remembering she’d forgotten this or that. Jane would be the exasperated voice of reason, doing her best to make sure Darcy really was ready to go. It was an endearing mental image, if a bit disturbing for all the little quirks she shared with her father it high-lighted. “Did she tell you that she’s Tony’s daughter?” Bruce asked after a long moment of contemplation.

He looked over just in time to see Nick’s eyes skip from the door of the apartment building back to him. Slowly, Nick arched one eyebrow. “She is?” He asked mildly.

Bruce closed his eyes. “You already knew.” He stated, unable to keep from smiling at the ridiculousness of it all. He was dating his best friend’s daughter and the head of an international spy organisation. At the same time. He also did tai chi with a Russian assassin, routinely had conversations about existentialism with a sentient AI, and sometimes shared his love of foreign cuisine with the Norse God of Thunder. This was just his life now.

“I had my suspicions.” Nick confirmed. Then he gave Bruce a slightly droll look. “You didn’t think that I _hadn’t_ done a thorough background check on the person I hired as my temporary PA, did you? Her mother was at MIT at the same time as Stark, there’s no father named on her birth certificate, and when she was three, some of her blood went mysteriously missing from her GP and the same day someone opened an untraceable savings account in her name?”

Bruce huffed a dry laugh. “You don’t find it a little… strange, that you knew her _grandfather_? Founded SHIELD with him?” He wondered.

Nick shook his head, then shrugged. “Strange? I guess it is, but I’ve seen stranger. I live through stranger on a daily basis.” He paused, then smiled a fond little smile over Bruce’s head, eyes focused back on the apartment building door. “If anything, I think it makes this more likely to work. After all, Starks have a habit of pulling off the impossible.”

Bruce couldn’t exactly argue, so he left that one alone and looked around. Sure enough, there was Darcy, spilling out of the front door of the building and beaming at them as she hurried over the car. She looked lovely, with her hair done up into a loose, artfully messy knot on the back of her head, curls escaping here and there to frame her face, and a short red dress covered in large black polka-dots that clung to her torso and fluffed out at her hips. Bruce didn’t get long to look, though, because within seconds she was flinging herself into the back seat with a breathless little “Hi.”

“Hi.” Nick returned, amused. “I feel underdressed.” He remarked.

“I think you look better in leather than suits.” Darcy mused, leaning through the gap between the two front seats so she could talk to them easier. She eyed Nick for a moment, then said “Yum,” which made Nick snort. Beaming, Darcy looked from Nick to Bruce, and her smile widened into a grin. “Hi.” She said again.

Bruce turned his head to smile at her, warmed by her unashamed enthusiasm. “Hi.” He replied through a wry laugh.

Darcy gave him the same lingering once-over she’d just given Nick, and hummed in approval, low enough that it almost sounded like a purr. “That shirt looks really good on you.” She said finally, eyes wandering over his collar, where he hadn’t bothered to do up the topmost button.

“Natasha’s idea.” Bruce informed her bashfully.

“I owe her one, then.” Darcy announced.

“She takes cash.” Nick stated blandly.

Darcy snorted. “How about pictures of Thor shirtless? Can I repay her with those?” She wondered.

“I actually get the feeling she’d appreciate the cash more.” Bruce mused, playing along.

Nick nodded. “She would.” When Darcy made a scandalised noise, he chuckled. “If she wanted those pictures, she could get them herself. Or convince the real thing to model for her. It wouldn’t be hard.”

“Pfft. True.” Darcy acknowledged, one hand coming up to twirl a strand of Bruce’s hair around her finger. “He’s such a giant puppy, sometimes it feels like if you told him to roll over, he’d actually do it.” Bruce had to consciously resist leaning into her hand, then wondered why he was bothering, and tilted his head towards her a little, relaxing into the sensation. “Speaking of puppies.” Darcy teased, sliding her fingers into his hair and combing through it tenderly.

Bruce flushed a little, but shrugged. He was still half convinced this was going to end in disaster, but right in that moment, he thought it might – just _might_ – be worth it in the end. After all the stress of the afternoon, it seemed a little miraculous how settled he’d been ever since getting in the car. It was incredible how blissfully calm he could feel with just a hand in his hair, and another, warmer, larger one on his arm. “It feels nice.” He stated simply, casting a glance across at Nick, who shot him a smile and gave his arm a little squeeze.

“Good.” Darcy murmured with feeling. “You deserve nice things.”

Bruce gave a small, amused sigh. “I can’t actually be bothered to argue with you right now.”

“Keep it up, Agent Lewis, the plan is working.” Nick deadpanned.

Darcy snickered. “Mwuahahahaa.” She mocked.

Bruce closed his eyes, completely unable to keep the smile off his face at their banter. “You’re both ridiculous.” He announced, in a tone that was just as ridiculous with how warm and soft and unbearably fond it was. This was probably going to be a train wreck – in one way or another – but Bruce decided he didn’t want to think about the future right now. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy an evening in the company of the two people stubborn enough to get past all of his defences and set up home in his heart. It promised to be a very good evening.


End file.
